I have been putting off writing this post for a long time, but I think it is something that many might relate to if I just really write from the heart. My Christian walk did not begin with cute little Sunday school memories and family Bible reading. Instead I was tricked into going to a worship conference, where I had a vision of Jesus on the cross and found myself leaving a Christian. People continue to tell me that that is not how people come to Christ, but I know it can be how it happens.
Now I have been a part of four churches in my life. Most of them having "louder" worship, some tongues, and lots of praying out loud. None of these "weird" church behaviors have bothered me...I must say, I quite enjoy a church like this...I was not raised to think otherwise. In fact, nobody told me what church was supposed to be like and I still have no clue what REAL church is. All I know is, church as a youth group, young adult type person can be fun and powerful, but church as a mommy of five kids is a tearing experience.
Do I want to be the mommy who puts my kids in Sunday school? It is nice to sit quietly with my husband for a couple of hours and not worry about the kids. In theory this works when the kids are old enough. Right now church is a great place to play musical chairs and parents. I have three little kids not wanting to sit still, but they will not let anyone else watch them. I have older kids who have figured out how to be quiet, and a baby miserable for the next couple of days because the nap schedule was ruined by church. Having kids is kind of an isolating experience as far a church is concerned. It is sometimes much easier just to say home and make pancakes.
For many people who knew me in high school or college, I was the last person anyone would think to stay home on church day. ( I say church day because my husband and I are Sat. Sabbath keepers who often attend church on Sunday because it is hard to find the right Sabbath church...a whole new story). I wish I could say I love going to church, but the only parts of the church experience I really miss are the times of extended worship through song and prayer. I can listen to sermons on the internet and I often do. It is much easier to hear a sermon with my kids napping in the next room instead of while chasing them around the church.
I know plenty of people just train their children to enjoy the nursery and do not experience the struggles I do, but I also know I am not alone. I do not think I have really worshiped and heard a whole sermon in about seven years.
I am thankful that my identity is in Christ, not church. God is meeting me and my family. I am thankful or scripture times. I do miss dancing in the back of the church, but I know those days are not gone forever. Maybe there will be a women's retreat to go to when I am done nursing.
I hear you! It's been over a year since we've been to church, and that's because of the complications ONE small child presents (that, and the ferry ride to get to the church we actually want to go to). I can't imagine what it would be like to do it with FIVE.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this, Marion. 'Church' has become to so many people that hour and half on Sunday morning; it's what's expected and there are no questions asked. But church as fellowship, community and gathering anywhere at anytime is more in line with Biblical worship, at least to my mind.
ReplyDeleteI always love seeing you there, but know that you're loved and cared about regardless!
-Camille
There has been a FB discussion on "those Sunday school moms." To clarify, I mean people who pass their kids off to other people and expect that their child will turn out Christian because of the Sunday school experience. Some children do, don't get me wrong, but there is so much more to knowing Christ than just Sunday school.
ReplyDelete