I used to have an card on my desk that said, "There are no good days or bad days, only days of grace." When I was in high school this is phrase kept me from getting too stressed out over papers and projects. Now this phrase means so much more. Juggling life is making sure there is food, a roof, money, time for the family ...the list is endless. Becoming an adult is so much more than I thought it would be.
There are traces of childhood that still float through me. I love sitting down an making something. When I was little I made lots of clothing for my dolls, now I make stuff for my home and the kids. The projects in my living room include a braided basket made of two old twin sheets, some mats, a braided rug, several RubyRumps cloth diapers, a wool diaper cover, and a baby gift for a friend who already had her baby over a month ago. My goals are running away with me, but usually I am better at finishing one project before starting another.
This is so symbolic of my life. I find myself running in circles through many tasks. Cooking ruts happen even with things like pinterest for new ideas. We eat different variations of the same things, but the other day I remembered it has been over a year since I may Indian food. For the kids it was a whole educational experience as I explained the food and how when I was in Bangladesh I got to eat with my hands. They all got a kick out of this.
So as my husband always asks, "What are you babbling about?" I am no sure what I am babbling about. I think my main point in the babble is to try in make sense of a direction when life starts to get jumbled as mine clearly has. I want a goal. Part of me insists it be beyond starting a business, cooking and cleaning, attempting to be super mommy, or even making sure I get my body back someday from the wear and tear of SIX babies!
Focus has not been my strong suit. I picked a liberal arts college so I would not have to limit myself and pick one thing. Is it even natural to define oneself by one thing? In my opinion it is not. So here is where I am at in finding a life goal. I want to be a stay at home mom, I may still want to home school my children, and I miss writing.
Since my dad died I keep thinking the one thing I wanted to accomplish in his lifetime was to publish my book, so my goal is to go back to my manuscript, edit, rewrite, and hope and pray someone else wants to read and publish my work.
YES, I have six kids, a lot to do, endless other things I could be doing, but if there are days of grace, then there will be many in the future as I go back to working on my book.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Friday, August 23, 2013
Memories, Keeping in Touch
Did you ever just wake up and feel like all of a sudden your friends of years have just slipped through the cracks? Sure we look at photos on Facebook, and send quick one line Happy Birthdays. Everyone is busy. I can find something to do every second of the day at this point and no that does not include glancing at a smart phone every five minutes. I am sure I would stare at that phone if I had one. I check my email around 2-3 times a day along with Facebook.
I think the more I delete junk mail and look at people's posts, I am still in touch with the world outside my house. I can have a day where I know what so many people are up to without having to put much energy in the friendships. Don't mind me for complaining. I love Facebook for keeping up with people who live far away, for relatives and friends in other countries. What I don't like is the fact that I used to take the time to remember birthdays and actually call people...I still call a short list. Most of my emails where actually letters, not advertisements. I never used to think that a coupon in my inbox was all that exciting, but now it is the better coupon email that I open instead of REAL emails. You have to write emails to get them...I tell myself. So I have decided to try and write more emails. Maybe my news is lame to me, but it could be quite interesting to people I barely speak to.
Am I going through some kind of 30 something crisis? Am I just a bored mom of 6? How can you put bored and mom of 6 in the same sentence? I am slowly seeing the world turn inward and forget about actual people, relationships, friendships. I am thankful I am married and not trying to date in such a cold world. Yes, there are old connections and friends of friends, but this is a day in the life of me...the phone almost never rings and when it does it is my mom, husband, or one of three friends who call me still and I call them. I get up, workout and take care of the family, it really is a full-time job. The house is never perfect at this point and laundry day is everyday. Cooking takes a few hours a meal if you include clean up. I get an hour or two to sew diapers, curl up on the couch and watch a show, or maybe eat lunch in quiet. Then the kids are up from nap. It is time to get dinner on the table, keep the kids from fighting nonstop, and bedtime takes a few hours. We are strict about sleep so I get a few hours with just my husband every evening too. And then it is the next day.
I don't know who my neighbors are really. I met one couple on my street and we have lived in our house seven months now. We are a bit out of place being a young family, but still. Summer hit and all the weekly meeting groups disappear, minus my woman's group that I really enjoy. (Often the only time I leave the house that whole week other than to grocery shop). I used to plan more...playdates and trips to the park, but with six kids leaving the house is work. It takes 30 minutes to get everyone ready and in the care. 4 of my kids need help with everything!
Even all that being said, I can still find time in the day to write this blog, stay in touch with people, have a five minute chat. I would still like to live in a world where those things matter and count. Feeling isolated seems to be part of motherhood, but has it gotten harder now that a glance at a page counts as staying in touch? I am interested to know what people think. Drop me a comment if you want.
I think the more I delete junk mail and look at people's posts, I am still in touch with the world outside my house. I can have a day where I know what so many people are up to without having to put much energy in the friendships. Don't mind me for complaining. I love Facebook for keeping up with people who live far away, for relatives and friends in other countries. What I don't like is the fact that I used to take the time to remember birthdays and actually call people...I still call a short list. Most of my emails where actually letters, not advertisements. I never used to think that a coupon in my inbox was all that exciting, but now it is the better coupon email that I open instead of REAL emails. You have to write emails to get them...I tell myself. So I have decided to try and write more emails. Maybe my news is lame to me, but it could be quite interesting to people I barely speak to.
Am I going through some kind of 30 something crisis? Am I just a bored mom of 6? How can you put bored and mom of 6 in the same sentence? I am slowly seeing the world turn inward and forget about actual people, relationships, friendships. I am thankful I am married and not trying to date in such a cold world. Yes, there are old connections and friends of friends, but this is a day in the life of me...the phone almost never rings and when it does it is my mom, husband, or one of three friends who call me still and I call them. I get up, workout and take care of the family, it really is a full-time job. The house is never perfect at this point and laundry day is everyday. Cooking takes a few hours a meal if you include clean up. I get an hour or two to sew diapers, curl up on the couch and watch a show, or maybe eat lunch in quiet. Then the kids are up from nap. It is time to get dinner on the table, keep the kids from fighting nonstop, and bedtime takes a few hours. We are strict about sleep so I get a few hours with just my husband every evening too. And then it is the next day.
I don't know who my neighbors are really. I met one couple on my street and we have lived in our house seven months now. We are a bit out of place being a young family, but still. Summer hit and all the weekly meeting groups disappear, minus my woman's group that I really enjoy. (Often the only time I leave the house that whole week other than to grocery shop). I used to plan more...playdates and trips to the park, but with six kids leaving the house is work. It takes 30 minutes to get everyone ready and in the care. 4 of my kids need help with everything!
Even all that being said, I can still find time in the day to write this blog, stay in touch with people, have a five minute chat. I would still like to live in a world where those things matter and count. Feeling isolated seems to be part of motherhood, but has it gotten harder now that a glance at a page counts as staying in touch? I am interested to know what people think. Drop me a comment if you want.
Friday, August 2, 2013
Back to Blogging
For anyone who has been following my blog, one might have noticed I have not written in a few months. With a death, a birth, and six kids to take care of my writing time has taken a back seat. I am hoping this will not continue to be the case. Miracle of today is that my 6 kids are all napping! Yes at the same time and YES my older kids too. We all nap in this house or we all end up cranky! I know I could give up. Most almost 8 year old children do not nap. Maybe I will tomorrow or the next day..the secret, my 8 year old loves his sleep.
So this with be a catch up post. Missing my dad is still a daily part of life. I cry most days over seeing a bird he would have identified for me, or driving past a place I used to go with him. I associate living in Port Townsend with my dad and it feels strange to live here without him. Both my parents love living here, but my dad had everything he loved right here...mountains, ocean, birds, closer to Asia...the list goes on. I feel like I have been left behind in a world that is beautiful, but not my own. As I look out the window at some beautiful trees, I think, yes it is nice here, but...is there somewhere out there that fits me as well as Port Townsend fit my dad? Most people don't get to figure that out until retirement, so we will wait and see.
The kids are adjusting to new baby well. Bria is the only one who is kind of missing her right to being the baby. Everyone loves the baby regardless. It is mommy and daddy at fault, not Isaiah. Joel is working a lot on math and reading this summer. I am trying to help him and we both get frustrated. He is starting to improve and I think a lot of our problems have nothing to do with what he does and does not know. Joel likes to learn when he feels like it. Ellie is the opposite. She is reading every book in sight and bossing around all the other kids. Dominic has hit the age where I am still looking for the sweet quiet boy. He has been replaced by a much more frustrated version of himself. Charis thinks her new bed is a jungle gym ...like at the park. Around 10 PM most night she had fallen out of bed. Bria will not eat anything red right now...sad with all the great raspberries, watermelon, and strawberries around. Isaiah is done with crying all the time and very interested in the world around him. Lots of sweet smiles these days.
RubyRumps is growing a bit. I am adding a one size cloth diaper option to the mix as well as putting my diapers in Sequim, WA at The Dungeness Kid's Company. We will start with just size N at the shop, but I can custom make other sizes. All the diapers will be AIO. If you want something else, check in with me on Etsy or Facebook. Also, I make swim diapers on request. Some friends of ours were nice enough to test these for me. I rarely go swimming with babies. :)
Tim is working at home, in Port Townsend, in Sequim/ PA, Seattle, and California. He is wearing several hats as daddy, teacher, loan officer, and much more. I do not know how he got through the last couple of months when everything was so crazy. New babies are a lot of work and add 5 other kids and lets just say we are busy all the time!
Hope to have some more thoughts soon.
So this with be a catch up post. Missing my dad is still a daily part of life. I cry most days over seeing a bird he would have identified for me, or driving past a place I used to go with him. I associate living in Port Townsend with my dad and it feels strange to live here without him. Both my parents love living here, but my dad had everything he loved right here...mountains, ocean, birds, closer to Asia...the list goes on. I feel like I have been left behind in a world that is beautiful, but not my own. As I look out the window at some beautiful trees, I think, yes it is nice here, but...is there somewhere out there that fits me as well as Port Townsend fit my dad? Most people don't get to figure that out until retirement, so we will wait and see.
The kids are adjusting to new baby well. Bria is the only one who is kind of missing her right to being the baby. Everyone loves the baby regardless. It is mommy and daddy at fault, not Isaiah. Joel is working a lot on math and reading this summer. I am trying to help him and we both get frustrated. He is starting to improve and I think a lot of our problems have nothing to do with what he does and does not know. Joel likes to learn when he feels like it. Ellie is the opposite. She is reading every book in sight and bossing around all the other kids. Dominic has hit the age where I am still looking for the sweet quiet boy. He has been replaced by a much more frustrated version of himself. Charis thinks her new bed is a jungle gym ...like at the park. Around 10 PM most night she had fallen out of bed. Bria will not eat anything red right now...sad with all the great raspberries, watermelon, and strawberries around. Isaiah is done with crying all the time and very interested in the world around him. Lots of sweet smiles these days.
RubyRumps is growing a bit. I am adding a one size cloth diaper option to the mix as well as putting my diapers in Sequim, WA at The Dungeness Kid's Company. We will start with just size N at the shop, but I can custom make other sizes. All the diapers will be AIO. If you want something else, check in with me on Etsy or Facebook. Also, I make swim diapers on request. Some friends of ours were nice enough to test these for me. I rarely go swimming with babies. :)
Tim is working at home, in Port Townsend, in Sequim/ PA, Seattle, and California. He is wearing several hats as daddy, teacher, loan officer, and much more. I do not know how he got through the last couple of months when everything was so crazy. New babies are a lot of work and add 5 other kids and lets just say we are busy all the time!
Hope to have some more thoughts soon.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Bear Claws
I used 1 1/2 cups of almond flour
2 TBSP water
1 egg white
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cup powdered sugar
1/4 cup sugar
2 TBSP melted butter
This filling also makes yummy flour free cookies.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
The Postpartum Dilema
So many things happen the weeks after the birth of a baby that one forgets how fast a month can be. I looked at my calender last Sunday and realized that Isaiah is already a month old and growing bigger by the moment. It is easy to forget how hard the first few weeks were when one is finally feeling human again.
Baby comes out and there is joy and mom has her body back. Unfortunately, mom's body is not quite what it used to be. There are weeks of healing and then months of working out to recover from carrying a baby. This does not include all the emotions and crazy moments, nor does it include weird things happening like crazy dry skin.
Once Isaiah was born I felt the best I have ever felt after a birth. My arms were strong, I could get in and out of bed with ease, and emotionally I was better than I expected to be considering that I was birthing and grieving at the same time. I enjoyed my first week of rest. There were great days where my husband brought me breakfast in bed, I barely left our room, and I got to sleep all the time. Anyone who knows me knows I struggle to stay in this state for very long.
I love to be working on projects and secretly enjoy cleaning my house. The noise of the children drives me nuts, but I love it. I began to feel restless without any energy. My husband was working around the clock and trying to keep up with household chores. I began chopping veggies at the kitchen table, still trying to rest by not standing up. Then I found myself wanting to load the dishwasher and wash dishes. It was too tempting to just through a load of laundry in the wash. When this starts to happen, mom realizes she is crazy. At least I did. I still needed to rest. I felt sore after loading the dishwasher. What was happening?
Um...postpartum. Nobody likes it, most of us erase it from our minds...but it really does exist. There is a time when everyone mom needs help and not every husband is able to be home for this. Work pressure for those on maternity leave increases, and work pressure for husbands taking time off work to help grows. I start to feel bad for not being my usual self. The US does not do this whole postpartum thing right.
After having six kids I now know from weeks 1-3 it would be nice to have an in house chef, someone to clean, and possibly childcare if there are other children to watch. Hiring help for these jobs could add up to a lot of cash. Plus, all I want is bonding time with my family, and I am sure I am not alone. Since hiring help for everything is not realistic for most people, one gets used to just getting by for a couple of weeks and then maybe going back to tasks sooner than one should. I guess I should be thankful I don't have to go back to picking crops in a field, but there is still something wrong.
If I could be a part of helping postpartum women I would love to help them figure out a meal plan for weeks 1-4 after birth, finding helpers for household needs, and just being there for the woman. I am thankful we hired a Doula who kind of goes above and beyond just the birth experience. She brought us a meal and offered to watch kids for us. Maybe a postpartum Doula is the answer? Family can help fill in the gaps, but let's face it, most family members have to work and America seems to be a country of little to no vacations and rests, so birth has kind have become something in the way of life instead of a joy that stops time for a little while.
Even after having six children I have not figured out postpartum...it is the one time people feel the most alone and neglected. Not usually the first week or two, but soon after that one is left alone to recover and rest, but lets face it...the time is just depressing. Even if one is not struggling majorly emotionally, emotions are bit harder to control. Life is overwhelming, and the pressure to heal fast is on. What have other people done in the postpartum time to make this stage more relaxing?
I am thankful for friends that reach out, cook meals, and understand how hard this stage is. I know I am not alone in thinking it would be nice to just not have to worry about what is going to happen after the baby is born...before I can take control again.
Baby comes out and there is joy and mom has her body back. Unfortunately, mom's body is not quite what it used to be. There are weeks of healing and then months of working out to recover from carrying a baby. This does not include all the emotions and crazy moments, nor does it include weird things happening like crazy dry skin.
Once Isaiah was born I felt the best I have ever felt after a birth. My arms were strong, I could get in and out of bed with ease, and emotionally I was better than I expected to be considering that I was birthing and grieving at the same time. I enjoyed my first week of rest. There were great days where my husband brought me breakfast in bed, I barely left our room, and I got to sleep all the time. Anyone who knows me knows I struggle to stay in this state for very long.
I love to be working on projects and secretly enjoy cleaning my house. The noise of the children drives me nuts, but I love it. I began to feel restless without any energy. My husband was working around the clock and trying to keep up with household chores. I began chopping veggies at the kitchen table, still trying to rest by not standing up. Then I found myself wanting to load the dishwasher and wash dishes. It was too tempting to just through a load of laundry in the wash. When this starts to happen, mom realizes she is crazy. At least I did. I still needed to rest. I felt sore after loading the dishwasher. What was happening?
Um...postpartum. Nobody likes it, most of us erase it from our minds...but it really does exist. There is a time when everyone mom needs help and not every husband is able to be home for this. Work pressure for those on maternity leave increases, and work pressure for husbands taking time off work to help grows. I start to feel bad for not being my usual self. The US does not do this whole postpartum thing right.
After having six kids I now know from weeks 1-3 it would be nice to have an in house chef, someone to clean, and possibly childcare if there are other children to watch. Hiring help for these jobs could add up to a lot of cash. Plus, all I want is bonding time with my family, and I am sure I am not alone. Since hiring help for everything is not realistic for most people, one gets used to just getting by for a couple of weeks and then maybe going back to tasks sooner than one should. I guess I should be thankful I don't have to go back to picking crops in a field, but there is still something wrong.
If I could be a part of helping postpartum women I would love to help them figure out a meal plan for weeks 1-4 after birth, finding helpers for household needs, and just being there for the woman. I am thankful we hired a Doula who kind of goes above and beyond just the birth experience. She brought us a meal and offered to watch kids for us. Maybe a postpartum Doula is the answer? Family can help fill in the gaps, but let's face it, most family members have to work and America seems to be a country of little to no vacations and rests, so birth has kind have become something in the way of life instead of a joy that stops time for a little while.
Even after having six children I have not figured out postpartum...it is the one time people feel the most alone and neglected. Not usually the first week or two, but soon after that one is left alone to recover and rest, but lets face it...the time is just depressing. Even if one is not struggling majorly emotionally, emotions are bit harder to control. Life is overwhelming, and the pressure to heal fast is on. What have other people done in the postpartum time to make this stage more relaxing?
I am thankful for friends that reach out, cook meals, and understand how hard this stage is. I know I am not alone in thinking it would be nice to just not have to worry about what is going to happen after the baby is born...before I can take control again.
Friday, April 26, 2013
Isaiah's Birth
This time I had to be humbled as I was sure labor would take off on a Thursday morning, but I did not end up having my baby until a just over a week later on a Friday night. It is hard to see everything prepared in my home for a birth that did not happen right away, but I am so glad it did not. By the time little Isaiah was ready to enter the world I had gone through a week of learning to relax, and so when I really was in active labor, I went through the simplest birth so far.
My Doula suggested I look into HypnoBirthing to try and relax. Then my midwife also recommended a pregnancy massage. This third trimester was hard on me. Missing my dad was making me sad about having a baby he would not meet. I wanted to see my baby, but I was distracted. It was time to try and catch up on full baby focused bonding.
My mom and I went shopping for the new little guy. I have not looked a newborn baby clothing much since baby number one. We have a lot of stuff, but it was nice to get some new things that could replace some super worn out sleepers and such. I still did not know what I was having so everything we bought was grey. I guess grey is the new baby neutral color? I could not find much in yellow and green.
Then I sat down and read about HypnoBirthing nonstop and listened to a cd everyday. This was great for crashing into my afternoon naps. I felt really relaxed and got a break from everything. I also went in for my pregnancy massage that worked super well with everything else. A week went by and I was a much more peaceful pregnant me. I have never been so at peace leading into a birth. My baby and I were finally bonding more and I was ready to meet him.
Birth day was like most days the past two weeks had brought me. Lots of contractions all morning. For me the test would be if they would continue into the afternoon. My husband was working from home and allowing me to have a restful day. I was taking a nap when things picked up. With the HypnoBirthing I was able to relax a lot through the early contractions. I was still not sure everything would continue so I waited. About and hour later I decided that things were picking up and let my Doula and Midwife know that later I would probably be calling them. My kids were napping and we wanted to stay in our normal schedule for as long as possible. Then things picked up more and around the end of nap time we got the kids out of the house. Super husband arranged and took care of everything.
As I was recovering from the chaos of kids getting ready to leave, my Midwife showed up and things could really get started. I have a custom birth pattern. If I really believed what the textbooks said I would never believe I was actually in labor. I have contractions in a pattern for earlier labor and then it seems like everything has stopped except for the fact that when I have the odd contraction it is insanely more painful, for a long time, even if there is something like thirty minutes between contractions. The contractions speed up, slow down, and end up all over the place. I even feel like nothing much is happening until all of a sudden my body wants to push and in a matter of minutes I am holding a baby! Birth is mysterious this way. How does to body know what to do so perfectly? We miss out when drugs are introduced because the pain is not really that bad if we let ourselves relax and let go of fear (I am still learning about this too).
During this birth I kept thinking the next contraction is going to be that one I feel all the pressure in my back and it will hurt so much. Then I told myself to relax into it and it hurt, but never as much as I thought it would. The last contraction I had before I was pushing felt like I still had hours to go. It took us all by surprise as my husband called the Midwife into the room and baby was out three minutes later.
God I am so thankful that birth does not have to be torture. I am thankful it is so beautiful. This time I feel empowered in a way I never have before. This birthing experience made no sense, but so much sense at the same time. Instincts are stronger than one gives them credit.
I know that part of the reason this birth was so much easier than the rest is because of all the preparation I put into the pregnancy in general. Pregnancy and birth do not just passively happen, one can actually take steps to a healthy result. I would say that working out using Lindsey Brin's prenatal workouts made me a strong version of me. I had no back pain this pregnancy after having a lot in the past. This lack of back pain translated into no back pain during contractions at all. I had much less pain during labor because of this. It was amazing. After having a baby I still felt strong. I could get in and out of bed without any pain and I still feel great. This does not mean I don't have to rest and recover, but it does mean I can more around with less effort than I have ever experienced in the past. I feel better than I did after my first baby!
Birth requires both physical and mental strength. Everything seems to end up connected during labor and birth. I broke out in tears in the middle of my labor because I was thinking about my dad and our many great trips to Seattle with him. I thought about the emptiness I was still struggling with and how much I wanted him to be here and a part of everything. Once I cried for a bit, my labor moved along very quickly.
I cannot say any part of my pregnancy this time has been a breeze emotionally, but I will say I got through it by the grace of God and staying healthy. I am so thankful for my Husband, Midwife, and Doula who have really helped me through this difficult stage in my life.
Friday, April 12, 2013
Birth and Humility
There are so many things that are tempting to speed up. One can microwave food and speed up a birth with drugs. We have cars, trains, and planes to get places quickly. It is not a surprise that trying to patient is a bit frustrating in a world where one hardly ever has to wait for anything.
I have given birth five times and I am waiting on baby number six. Not one birth story is identical to the others. Why am I expecting this birth to be any different. My latest experience with birth is having active labor set in and then stop. I felt like I got half way through to pushing out a baby and then nothing. My body is tired, like I went through the whole thing...it did take several hours before all the contractions slowed to a rapid halt.
Emotions are crazy during this. I have found myself begging God to make this birth end and asking for clarity as to why my body is not letting me have the baby. Sometimes we just need a break. I am tired, so I need to view this time as a great time to rest. I was not thrilled with how some things went yesterday, so now I get a second try and I get to explain what was not going well for me.
Then there is grief. Yet another event is happening and my dad is still dead. There is no light way to say it...he will not be here to meet new baby and it stinks! Why couldn't he have waited a bit longer? I know, death is not a choice, but it is hard to think it would have only been a couple more months. My greatest memory of the last birth is my dad rushing to pick up all the kids as I am delivering Bria. I keep thinking I will here his voice in the house when I have this one and it is so painful to think I won't.
Having babies is a complicated process. Did you know you could stop your own labor with emotions? We forget that start and stop labor is common. I have heard all these stories about it and a lot of the time there is an emotional reason as to why the labor will not progress. Sometimes the body needs a break. Maybe baby needs need to move into a better position.
I think in my case it is all. When I feel rushed, I feel like my labor slows down. I also think grief is playing a role in the way my birth this time is playing out. Then the baby's head is down, but sometimes I am still feeling it hit one side.
Now it is time to relax and enjoy the fact that I get a break for contractions for now. I get to sleep without pain every few minutes. Best of all, no one is waking me up in the middle of the night yet.
My baby will come at the right time. I am saying this mostly for me. It is a humbling experience to remember that each birth is a mystery. One does not know when it will happen and how it will be. All I know is it will be a blessing to see what happens next.
I have given birth five times and I am waiting on baby number six. Not one birth story is identical to the others. Why am I expecting this birth to be any different. My latest experience with birth is having active labor set in and then stop. I felt like I got half way through to pushing out a baby and then nothing. My body is tired, like I went through the whole thing...it did take several hours before all the contractions slowed to a rapid halt.
Emotions are crazy during this. I have found myself begging God to make this birth end and asking for clarity as to why my body is not letting me have the baby. Sometimes we just need a break. I am tired, so I need to view this time as a great time to rest. I was not thrilled with how some things went yesterday, so now I get a second try and I get to explain what was not going well for me.
Then there is grief. Yet another event is happening and my dad is still dead. There is no light way to say it...he will not be here to meet new baby and it stinks! Why couldn't he have waited a bit longer? I know, death is not a choice, but it is hard to think it would have only been a couple more months. My greatest memory of the last birth is my dad rushing to pick up all the kids as I am delivering Bria. I keep thinking I will here his voice in the house when I have this one and it is so painful to think I won't.
Having babies is a complicated process. Did you know you could stop your own labor with emotions? We forget that start and stop labor is common. I have heard all these stories about it and a lot of the time there is an emotional reason as to why the labor will not progress. Sometimes the body needs a break. Maybe baby needs need to move into a better position.
I think in my case it is all. When I feel rushed, I feel like my labor slows down. I also think grief is playing a role in the way my birth this time is playing out. Then the baby's head is down, but sometimes I am still feeling it hit one side.
Now it is time to relax and enjoy the fact that I get a break for contractions for now. I get to sleep without pain every few minutes. Best of all, no one is waking me up in the middle of the night yet.
My baby will come at the right time. I am saying this mostly for me. It is a humbling experience to remember that each birth is a mystery. One does not know when it will happen and how it will be. All I know is it will be a blessing to see what happens next.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)