Pretty Fierce weight loss (Lindsey Brin) seems to be working. I have not weighted myself because I cannot find my scale in the garage, but I measured myself and in almost two weeks I have lost close to an inch everywhere. I could tell some good news was coming my way when I realized my jeans felt just a bit less tight! How exciting. I have the wake up and workout part down. There is even tons of motivation to work hard while working out. The one set back is getting my mind where my body is when it comes to food.
Meals are going well. I eat healthy meals. However, I still like making treats and maybe eating bear paws. So the key is balancing that out I guess. I may have done a bit better these last two weeks if I logged my food. Last time I had a baby I went onto calorie count and tracked everything. I was hoping to avoid that because I know when I am eating more than I should, but somehow seeing it on paper makes it more real than sneaking the odd extra snack in. Maybe I need to be more strict and see what happens. As a breastfeeding mom I still need to snack a bit, but I should have better control over my snacking. I really need to get my hands on a book a friend told me about called "Trim Healthy Mama." It is not in the budget right now, but as soon as it is, I plan to read it and blog about it.
Outside of working out I have decided to organize my day better. Being pregnant so often makes one get too used to winging every day. I would like to have more goals for things I want to teach my children and how I want to keep the house. Dominic is four and we are starting to learn some phonics. It is really great to watch the older kids step in and lead the younger ones. The younger kids feel great because the older kids are spending quality time with them. There is also a lot less fighting.
My cleaning to do list is insane. Do you ever feel like you don't have to funds to organize all the stuff in the house? I love the idea of buying boxes, baskets, files, and so much more to keep house better, but with six kids I get through cleaning up toys and putting away clothing and dishes and the week is over. Plus, it takes a budget to buy shelving and extras, so I am trying to figure out some creative ways to use what we have. I did braid up a couple of sheets to try and make baskets. I got through making one, so it is time to try and make more.
Maybe you are thinking make the kids clean up? Oh we do. The kids are constantly cleaning up. They are also constantly making a mess. I make the point of telling them to put their stuff away and then we have a conversation about organizing it. A month goes by and everything is "put" away, but not very well, so we learn more about being tidy. Let's face it...being a mommy leaves one in a hurricane of stuff at all times.
I am grateful that we always having something to do at our house and I do not remember the last time I was actually bored. :) Kids fill up the day just nicely.
Friday, January 10, 2014
Friday, January 3, 2014
What Happens When...
Beginning a new year adds the pressure of new goals. We have been trained to come up with much anticipated New Years resolutions from birth. This year is no different. I posted on my Facebook page just days before New Years day that I had already begun my fitness goals for the year. My brother knew I really wanted Lindsey Brin's Pretty Fierce workout and I have had my eye on the day I could start this for over a year. Yes, one has to be at least six months out of a pregnancy to even attempt the program. For those of you who know my track record, I often don't make it to six months post baby before there is another baby, but this year is different and I can finally tackle my goal.
In the last nine years I have been pregnant six times, often breastfeeding while pregnant, and watched my body disappear into mommy marshmallow. I know this is unfair to complain about since having babies in the first place is a gift, but I do not know one mommy who is thrilled with stretchmarks, something that once may have been a toned stomach, and limbs that are rounded out a little bit more these days. My husband got mad at me for not putting a photo of us on the family Christmas card and I have to admit it was because I was ashamed of how I looked. I have even put tons of work into staying in shape and I still feel this way.
Before I had kids I was somewhere between 97 and 100 pounds always. I could eat a burger and fries and not notice a different. Now I have gotten up to 134 pounds towards the end of a pregnancy and found myself in the 125 pound range after the birth. It has taken me six months to get to around 120 pounds this time around and I have to say I was around that after the birth. In fact, I started working out and gained six pounds! This is not fun at all. It's muscle right? I hope so. I will say my clothing is just starting to feel like it might be slightly too big.
I promised myself I would never get hung up on weight, but that was before I knew what babies did to the female body! People promised me breastfeeding helps, for me I just gained more weight. Yes, one needs some extra to support breastfeeding, but probably not an extra twenty pounds. I love my babies and one does not breastfeed for eight years straight and not value all that mamma's milk has to offer. However, liquid gold for my baby does not make me want to put on an actual outfit only to realize it may never fit again.
So I failed my promise. I got hung up of baby weight I searched for a solution. It takes two years to get your body back, the articles say. Did these woman have babies fourteen months apart? I doubt it. Do I have to add another two years per baby to get a realistic sense of where my body went? Then I found Lindsey Brin's website momsintofitness.com and it changed my perspective on things. I wish I would have known these things around baby number one and then maybe by baby six I would just bounce back to me, but it is never too late. With baby number five it took me forever to get rid of any baby weight and this is when I started Lindsey's workouts. I used them for my pregnancy and this is probably the 5th or 6th time I am raving. I never thought my stomach would be strong again, it is. In fact with baby number six I think my labor was easier because of all the workouts.
Now I am working of Pretty Fierce, my baby is seven months old. I looked at the scale and it said 120.5 pounds when I started five days ago. I only hope this means I might see below 120 again, it will be the first time since Ellianna was a baby. When you are 4'11 like me every five pounds is like ten for normally tall people. I have felt round. In five days I feel hungrier than ever, so I hope I can keep my eating under control, but I know the workouts must be working then. My core feels strong already, but it is only getting stronger. I am also thrilled I can keep up with everything in the videos well. Pretty Fierce starts with a goal of working out every day for two weeks! I have been working out five or six days a week, but I know those days off have really helped me stay motivated. We'll see how these two weeks go. After five days I feel great, so the next few days will be fine, it will be the end of next week I might start complaining. I plan to keep my readers honestly posted. If I gain six pounds again I will tell you. Oh and the 120.5 pounds was from after being sick, so maybe add a pound for a more realistic take on things.
When does a mom of six have time to work out? I set the alarm for 5:40, feed the baby, drag him out to play while I workout and they you go. It is possible. The workouts are around 30 minutes long so Isaiah is happy enough for that time.
My biggest hurdles for my goals are baked goodies (I love to bake cookies) and chocolate. Other than that my diet is super healthy, but when I workout, I have to turn off the voice that says, this extra cookie is worth it. Stick to one I need to tell myself. Only one slice of pie, cake, half a bear paw....these are all weaknesses. I had a bear paw today in fact...um, not the best choice, but it tasted really good. So you see I am far from perfect. Can far from perfect me get back to around 100 pounds again?
In the last nine years I have been pregnant six times, often breastfeeding while pregnant, and watched my body disappear into mommy marshmallow. I know this is unfair to complain about since having babies in the first place is a gift, but I do not know one mommy who is thrilled with stretchmarks, something that once may have been a toned stomach, and limbs that are rounded out a little bit more these days. My husband got mad at me for not putting a photo of us on the family Christmas card and I have to admit it was because I was ashamed of how I looked. I have even put tons of work into staying in shape and I still feel this way.
Before I had kids I was somewhere between 97 and 100 pounds always. I could eat a burger and fries and not notice a different. Now I have gotten up to 134 pounds towards the end of a pregnancy and found myself in the 125 pound range after the birth. It has taken me six months to get to around 120 pounds this time around and I have to say I was around that after the birth. In fact, I started working out and gained six pounds! This is not fun at all. It's muscle right? I hope so. I will say my clothing is just starting to feel like it might be slightly too big.
I promised myself I would never get hung up on weight, but that was before I knew what babies did to the female body! People promised me breastfeeding helps, for me I just gained more weight. Yes, one needs some extra to support breastfeeding, but probably not an extra twenty pounds. I love my babies and one does not breastfeed for eight years straight and not value all that mamma's milk has to offer. However, liquid gold for my baby does not make me want to put on an actual outfit only to realize it may never fit again.
So I failed my promise. I got hung up of baby weight I searched for a solution. It takes two years to get your body back, the articles say. Did these woman have babies fourteen months apart? I doubt it. Do I have to add another two years per baby to get a realistic sense of where my body went? Then I found Lindsey Brin's website momsintofitness.com and it changed my perspective on things. I wish I would have known these things around baby number one and then maybe by baby six I would just bounce back to me, but it is never too late. With baby number five it took me forever to get rid of any baby weight and this is when I started Lindsey's workouts. I used them for my pregnancy and this is probably the 5th or 6th time I am raving. I never thought my stomach would be strong again, it is. In fact with baby number six I think my labor was easier because of all the workouts.
Now I am working of Pretty Fierce, my baby is seven months old. I looked at the scale and it said 120.5 pounds when I started five days ago. I only hope this means I might see below 120 again, it will be the first time since Ellianna was a baby. When you are 4'11 like me every five pounds is like ten for normally tall people. I have felt round. In five days I feel hungrier than ever, so I hope I can keep my eating under control, but I know the workouts must be working then. My core feels strong already, but it is only getting stronger. I am also thrilled I can keep up with everything in the videos well. Pretty Fierce starts with a goal of working out every day for two weeks! I have been working out five or six days a week, but I know those days off have really helped me stay motivated. We'll see how these two weeks go. After five days I feel great, so the next few days will be fine, it will be the end of next week I might start complaining. I plan to keep my readers honestly posted. If I gain six pounds again I will tell you. Oh and the 120.5 pounds was from after being sick, so maybe add a pound for a more realistic take on things.
When does a mom of six have time to work out? I set the alarm for 5:40, feed the baby, drag him out to play while I workout and they you go. It is possible. The workouts are around 30 minutes long so Isaiah is happy enough for that time.
My biggest hurdles for my goals are baked goodies (I love to bake cookies) and chocolate. Other than that my diet is super healthy, but when I workout, I have to turn off the voice that says, this extra cookie is worth it. Stick to one I need to tell myself. Only one slice of pie, cake, half a bear paw....these are all weaknesses. I had a bear paw today in fact...um, not the best choice, but it tasted really good. So you see I am far from perfect. Can far from perfect me get back to around 100 pounds again?
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
A Very Ruybalid Christmas Part II
The last post I wrote reflected on traditions mostly. I am sure some of you want the year update and a most traditional idea of what we have all been up to. Anyone who has been following my blog might have realized that I have not been posting every week or even once a month. Where have I been hiding?
The new year 2013 began slightly rocky as I lost my father and I am still in recovery mode. I also gave birth to Isaiah a few months later adding some joy in all the grief. Isaiah is a great addition to our family. Even though I have no blood relation to my father, there are traits in Isaiah that remind me of my dad. He has piercing grey blue eyes. Yes all babies have blue eyes, well not all of mine. Isaiah is the second baby with blue eyes in our six. He has a wispy curl framing his face a lot like my dad as well. Then their is Isaiah's don't quit personality. This kid is trying to walk along the furniture at seven months old and I am sure he will be rock climbing by one.
Bria has beautiful curly hair. I used to want curly blond hair when I was little and I would say Bria's curls are exactly what I pictured minus the hair color. As baby number five, Bria has a strong personality and we are enjoying some of the ways it plays out. She will sing for hours, just as many of our kids did. She love to try and keep up with all the other siblings. This one will not be left behind and sometimes I forget she is only two.
Charis is silent, but very accomplished. She practically potty trained herself and she does not make a show of it. She is the child people say they might forget because she is so quiet. Quiet she is, but she also uses this quiet energy to build inventions and tenderly care for her dolls.
Dominic and the most outgoing child. He expects all strangers to smile back at him as he bothered to notice them. He just loves people. Trains, car, planes, and trucks are some of Dominic's favorite toys. He loves to run around when he can get away with it and is full of energy.
Ellie is born for the stage. She just wowed us in her first solo for her school play and she does not seem to be afraid to shine in public at all. Sometimes I feel like I am looking at a more fearless version of me. This is the child who wants to do everything perfectly and most of the time does.
Joel continues to be quiet and shy, but he is great at conversations too. He loves to talk about his school adventures and ask a million questions. I have a hard time keeping up with every topic that interests him. He is also my pro helper with baby Isaiah and keeps asking for another baby.
Tim just got a job as the Branch manager for US Bank in Quilcene. Up until a few weeks ago we were planning on packing our bags for southern CA, but things changed quite quickly. So if you are in the NW, that is were we continue to live.
I am still a stay at home mommy, but I did start a small home business called RubyRumps. I sew cloth diapers, wipes, reusable bags, and we'll see what the new year holds. I still long to see a book published someday, but right now I am enjoying my family and it keeps me very busy.
These are just a few highlights of the year. I hope everyone is having a Merry Christmas.
The new year 2013 began slightly rocky as I lost my father and I am still in recovery mode. I also gave birth to Isaiah a few months later adding some joy in all the grief. Isaiah is a great addition to our family. Even though I have no blood relation to my father, there are traits in Isaiah that remind me of my dad. He has piercing grey blue eyes. Yes all babies have blue eyes, well not all of mine. Isaiah is the second baby with blue eyes in our six. He has a wispy curl framing his face a lot like my dad as well. Then their is Isaiah's don't quit personality. This kid is trying to walk along the furniture at seven months old and I am sure he will be rock climbing by one.
Bria has beautiful curly hair. I used to want curly blond hair when I was little and I would say Bria's curls are exactly what I pictured minus the hair color. As baby number five, Bria has a strong personality and we are enjoying some of the ways it plays out. She will sing for hours, just as many of our kids did. She love to try and keep up with all the other siblings. This one will not be left behind and sometimes I forget she is only two.
Charis is silent, but very accomplished. She practically potty trained herself and she does not make a show of it. She is the child people say they might forget because she is so quiet. Quiet she is, but she also uses this quiet energy to build inventions and tenderly care for her dolls.
Dominic and the most outgoing child. He expects all strangers to smile back at him as he bothered to notice them. He just loves people. Trains, car, planes, and trucks are some of Dominic's favorite toys. He loves to run around when he can get away with it and is full of energy.
Ellie is born for the stage. She just wowed us in her first solo for her school play and she does not seem to be afraid to shine in public at all. Sometimes I feel like I am looking at a more fearless version of me. This is the child who wants to do everything perfectly and most of the time does.
Joel continues to be quiet and shy, but he is great at conversations too. He loves to talk about his school adventures and ask a million questions. I have a hard time keeping up with every topic that interests him. He is also my pro helper with baby Isaiah and keeps asking for another baby.
Tim just got a job as the Branch manager for US Bank in Quilcene. Up until a few weeks ago we were planning on packing our bags for southern CA, but things changed quite quickly. So if you are in the NW, that is were we continue to live.
I am still a stay at home mommy, but I did start a small home business called RubyRumps. I sew cloth diapers, wipes, reusable bags, and we'll see what the new year holds. I still long to see a book published someday, but right now I am enjoying my family and it keeps me very busy.
These are just a few highlights of the year. I hope everyone is having a Merry Christmas.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
A Very Ruybalid Christmas
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| The kids decorated the tree mostly themselves this year! |
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| My oldest son took this picture |
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| We always cut our own tree, this year our tree is small and my son Joel is still asking if we can get a better one next year | . |
This year I did actually get around to making Christmas cards, but we did not write a letter. In my family the letter is just a much a part of the Christmas card tradition as the card. My family usually has a stack of other people's letters on a coffee table in the living that we read as they are received and again as we might want to. Cards are posted on the wall as well. With the invention of photo cards, we usually have a fridge covered in beautiful family photos.
I love to reflect on traditions this time of year because it is one of the few seasons people still focus on traditions. My mother and her mother and probably mothers before that have always made mince pies. I do not own a mince pie tin, but I have adapted my recipe to muffin tins. The danger in making mince pies in muffin tins is that they are much bigger than my mom's cute little mince pies. One can get away with eating a couple of mom's, but we should probably stick to one pie each. Sadly I only make my own pastry for these sweet treats as my mom is the one who makes the mince meat each year. Her mince meat does not have actual meat in it. It is dried fruit soaked in sugar and brandy, but again I have yet to make it myself. I need to get her recipe so I can pass the tradition down of course. My pastry recipe is simple:
2 1/2 cups of flour
1 tbsp sugar
cut 1/2 cup of butter into until you have crumble like texture
add one egg and them mix in just enough water to make a smooth dough a few tbsps
My mom's mince meat is also great for making a batch of Stollen as a lot of the ingredients are there. I just add blanched almonds to the fruit. We have had Stollen for about the past three years because a bakery in town makes some amazing Stollen and I wanted to figure out how to bake it myself. I am not sure if I will make this every year, but it is a fun find.
During the Christmas season we try and make gingerbread cookies and sugar cookies at least once. This year we did not make cut outs, but there is still time. The kids are just thrilled when I get the red and green sprinkles out. Our sugar cookies this year had a hint of peppermint extract in them, something I have thought might be gross, but actually ended up tasting great. Just skip the vanilla and add peppermint instead. The house smells like Christmas as they bake and they taste like a cake-like candy cane.
With little kids it is easy to try to hard to create experiences that only make one tired. It is good to pair things down a bit and figure out what activities best suit your family. We all like to bake, but I want my little kids to be a part of it too.
My family made a big deal about the Christmas dinner and my husband remembers fancy Christmas breakfasts. We combine them all to make a lot of family time at the table together. We start with eggs, salsa, gingerbread men biscuits, and usually some fruit. Then the rib roast goes in the oven and the side dishes change yearly based on who is around to eat them. Last year we made french macaroons for after dinner, but I am not sure if I feel like working that hard this year. I had help from my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law piped them all perfectly. I have consider brownies cut out like Christmas trees, or maybe some other kind of mini cakes. That could be fun actually. We will have to wait and see. I should have this planned by now, but I do not. There are still a couple of days.
I guess you could say we focus on food and meals because gifts in our house are usually homemade. The kids often find them while I am making them. There are some surprises of course and we all enjoy homemade hats, pjs, sock, dresses, and all. I like making gifts for the kids because we can add a personal touch to everything. Just about everything on the tree was made by the kids as well. Then I know nothing will break on them and everything is fun a playful looking.
Now what does this have to do with a Christmas letter? It doesn't. I guess part two of my post will be the actual Christmas letter, hopefully written before Christmas.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
Emotions Block Writing
This has been the most challenging year of my life so far. Losing my dad nine months ago has left me feeling bruised with sorrow. I wish there was an easy way to deal with grief, but so I have been told and as I am experiencing, there is no way to rush the process.
I look at Isaiah's blue grey eyes and I think God gave me my second blue eyed baby boy for this time to help me feel like I still have a part of my father with me. Today marks the day that I have allowed myself to look at all of his clothing. My husband and my dad could share clothes, so Tim inherited any clothing he wanted to keep. We were so sad when we cleaned out his closet, Tim took everything. As I opened boxes of sweaters and jackets it is as if he never left. Everything still smells like his laundry soap. Each garment is so familiar.
The trails in Port Ludlow have been my place to remember my dad. He never got to walk on any of them with me, but I know he would have loved them. They are easy enough for the kids and this time of year there mushrooms are everywhere. My dad was great at identifying mushrooms. We always knew which ones would be safe to eat.
Bird sounds fill the deep dark forests around me and I can imagine him telling the kids and I what sound belongs to different kinds of birds. God if he could have stuck around longer he could have taught us so much more.
Dominic has just reached an age where he wants to learn about the plants, mushrooms, animals, and everything related to nature. I think about how much my dad would have loved hiking with him. All my kids still feel sad. He was a close relative to them, a space in their lives sits waiting to understand why he had to die.
Death happens to all of us. My kids have learned a lot about that this year as we have also lost Tim's great grandmother and his grandfather (his mom's dad). I have never had a year of loss like this.
The other day my mom sat with my whole family at a table and mention how she wished her mother could have met all my children. It is something I did not think much of as a child and now I think about things like this every day.
So I have not been able to write. I don't want to write angry posts, sad posts, or the same thing over and over, but I do want to keep people updated. This holiday season is cloaked in fog. Last year we had a large Christmas feast, now our table has a few less seats. Our Christmas tree cutting will not be the same. My kids have been asking about the Christmas tree since my dad passed away.
For a while I just wanted the holiday season to be over because it is so painful, but as the air gets crisp, I start to feel some joy bubbling up in me. It is still a season to love and give even if one is sad. Life will never be the same, but it will be new and different. Dad I still miss you like crazy and wish you were here to enjoy all the new moments in life.
As my heart still aches, there may be less inspiring posts, but I hope that sharing my grief may reach out to others who miss someone.
I look at Isaiah's blue grey eyes and I think God gave me my second blue eyed baby boy for this time to help me feel like I still have a part of my father with me. Today marks the day that I have allowed myself to look at all of his clothing. My husband and my dad could share clothes, so Tim inherited any clothing he wanted to keep. We were so sad when we cleaned out his closet, Tim took everything. As I opened boxes of sweaters and jackets it is as if he never left. Everything still smells like his laundry soap. Each garment is so familiar.
The trails in Port Ludlow have been my place to remember my dad. He never got to walk on any of them with me, but I know he would have loved them. They are easy enough for the kids and this time of year there mushrooms are everywhere. My dad was great at identifying mushrooms. We always knew which ones would be safe to eat.
Bird sounds fill the deep dark forests around me and I can imagine him telling the kids and I what sound belongs to different kinds of birds. God if he could have stuck around longer he could have taught us so much more.
Dominic has just reached an age where he wants to learn about the plants, mushrooms, animals, and everything related to nature. I think about how much my dad would have loved hiking with him. All my kids still feel sad. He was a close relative to them, a space in their lives sits waiting to understand why he had to die.
Death happens to all of us. My kids have learned a lot about that this year as we have also lost Tim's great grandmother and his grandfather (his mom's dad). I have never had a year of loss like this.
The other day my mom sat with my whole family at a table and mention how she wished her mother could have met all my children. It is something I did not think much of as a child and now I think about things like this every day.
So I have not been able to write. I don't want to write angry posts, sad posts, or the same thing over and over, but I do want to keep people updated. This holiday season is cloaked in fog. Last year we had a large Christmas feast, now our table has a few less seats. Our Christmas tree cutting will not be the same. My kids have been asking about the Christmas tree since my dad passed away.
For a while I just wanted the holiday season to be over because it is so painful, but as the air gets crisp, I start to feel some joy bubbling up in me. It is still a season to love and give even if one is sad. Life will never be the same, but it will be new and different. Dad I still miss you like crazy and wish you were here to enjoy all the new moments in life.
As my heart still aches, there may be less inspiring posts, but I hope that sharing my grief may reach out to others who miss someone.
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Scattered Projects=Scattered World
I used to have an card on my desk that said, "There are no good days or bad days, only days of grace." When I was in high school this is phrase kept me from getting too stressed out over papers and projects. Now this phrase means so much more. Juggling life is making sure there is food, a roof, money, time for the family ...the list is endless. Becoming an adult is so much more than I thought it would be.
There are traces of childhood that still float through me. I love sitting down an making something. When I was little I made lots of clothing for my dolls, now I make stuff for my home and the kids. The projects in my living room include a braided basket made of two old twin sheets, some mats, a braided rug, several RubyRumps cloth diapers, a wool diaper cover, and a baby gift for a friend who already had her baby over a month ago. My goals are running away with me, but usually I am better at finishing one project before starting another.
This is so symbolic of my life. I find myself running in circles through many tasks. Cooking ruts happen even with things like pinterest for new ideas. We eat different variations of the same things, but the other day I remembered it has been over a year since I may Indian food. For the kids it was a whole educational experience as I explained the food and how when I was in Bangladesh I got to eat with my hands. They all got a kick out of this.
So as my husband always asks, "What are you babbling about?" I am no sure what I am babbling about. I think my main point in the babble is to try in make sense of a direction when life starts to get jumbled as mine clearly has. I want a goal. Part of me insists it be beyond starting a business, cooking and cleaning, attempting to be super mommy, or even making sure I get my body back someday from the wear and tear of SIX babies!
Focus has not been my strong suit. I picked a liberal arts college so I would not have to limit myself and pick one thing. Is it even natural to define oneself by one thing? In my opinion it is not. So here is where I am at in finding a life goal. I want to be a stay at home mom, I may still want to home school my children, and I miss writing.
Since my dad died I keep thinking the one thing I wanted to accomplish in his lifetime was to publish my book, so my goal is to go back to my manuscript, edit, rewrite, and hope and pray someone else wants to read and publish my work.
YES, I have six kids, a lot to do, endless other things I could be doing, but if there are days of grace, then there will be many in the future as I go back to working on my book.
There are traces of childhood that still float through me. I love sitting down an making something. When I was little I made lots of clothing for my dolls, now I make stuff for my home and the kids. The projects in my living room include a braided basket made of two old twin sheets, some mats, a braided rug, several RubyRumps cloth diapers, a wool diaper cover, and a baby gift for a friend who already had her baby over a month ago. My goals are running away with me, but usually I am better at finishing one project before starting another.
This is so symbolic of my life. I find myself running in circles through many tasks. Cooking ruts happen even with things like pinterest for new ideas. We eat different variations of the same things, but the other day I remembered it has been over a year since I may Indian food. For the kids it was a whole educational experience as I explained the food and how when I was in Bangladesh I got to eat with my hands. They all got a kick out of this.
So as my husband always asks, "What are you babbling about?" I am no sure what I am babbling about. I think my main point in the babble is to try in make sense of a direction when life starts to get jumbled as mine clearly has. I want a goal. Part of me insists it be beyond starting a business, cooking and cleaning, attempting to be super mommy, or even making sure I get my body back someday from the wear and tear of SIX babies!
Focus has not been my strong suit. I picked a liberal arts college so I would not have to limit myself and pick one thing. Is it even natural to define oneself by one thing? In my opinion it is not. So here is where I am at in finding a life goal. I want to be a stay at home mom, I may still want to home school my children, and I miss writing.
Since my dad died I keep thinking the one thing I wanted to accomplish in his lifetime was to publish my book, so my goal is to go back to my manuscript, edit, rewrite, and hope and pray someone else wants to read and publish my work.
YES, I have six kids, a lot to do, endless other things I could be doing, but if there are days of grace, then there will be many in the future as I go back to working on my book.
Friday, August 23, 2013
Memories, Keeping in Touch
Did you ever just wake up and feel like all of a sudden your friends of years have just slipped through the cracks? Sure we look at photos on Facebook, and send quick one line Happy Birthdays. Everyone is busy. I can find something to do every second of the day at this point and no that does not include glancing at a smart phone every five minutes. I am sure I would stare at that phone if I had one. I check my email around 2-3 times a day along with Facebook.
I think the more I delete junk mail and look at people's posts, I am still in touch with the world outside my house. I can have a day where I know what so many people are up to without having to put much energy in the friendships. Don't mind me for complaining. I love Facebook for keeping up with people who live far away, for relatives and friends in other countries. What I don't like is the fact that I used to take the time to remember birthdays and actually call people...I still call a short list. Most of my emails where actually letters, not advertisements. I never used to think that a coupon in my inbox was all that exciting, but now it is the better coupon email that I open instead of REAL emails. You have to write emails to get them...I tell myself. So I have decided to try and write more emails. Maybe my news is lame to me, but it could be quite interesting to people I barely speak to.
Am I going through some kind of 30 something crisis? Am I just a bored mom of 6? How can you put bored and mom of 6 in the same sentence? I am slowly seeing the world turn inward and forget about actual people, relationships, friendships. I am thankful I am married and not trying to date in such a cold world. Yes, there are old connections and friends of friends, but this is a day in the life of me...the phone almost never rings and when it does it is my mom, husband, or one of three friends who call me still and I call them. I get up, workout and take care of the family, it really is a full-time job. The house is never perfect at this point and laundry day is everyday. Cooking takes a few hours a meal if you include clean up. I get an hour or two to sew diapers, curl up on the couch and watch a show, or maybe eat lunch in quiet. Then the kids are up from nap. It is time to get dinner on the table, keep the kids from fighting nonstop, and bedtime takes a few hours. We are strict about sleep so I get a few hours with just my husband every evening too. And then it is the next day.
I don't know who my neighbors are really. I met one couple on my street and we have lived in our house seven months now. We are a bit out of place being a young family, but still. Summer hit and all the weekly meeting groups disappear, minus my woman's group that I really enjoy. (Often the only time I leave the house that whole week other than to grocery shop). I used to plan more...playdates and trips to the park, but with six kids leaving the house is work. It takes 30 minutes to get everyone ready and in the care. 4 of my kids need help with everything!
Even all that being said, I can still find time in the day to write this blog, stay in touch with people, have a five minute chat. I would still like to live in a world where those things matter and count. Feeling isolated seems to be part of motherhood, but has it gotten harder now that a glance at a page counts as staying in touch? I am interested to know what people think. Drop me a comment if you want.
I think the more I delete junk mail and look at people's posts, I am still in touch with the world outside my house. I can have a day where I know what so many people are up to without having to put much energy in the friendships. Don't mind me for complaining. I love Facebook for keeping up with people who live far away, for relatives and friends in other countries. What I don't like is the fact that I used to take the time to remember birthdays and actually call people...I still call a short list. Most of my emails where actually letters, not advertisements. I never used to think that a coupon in my inbox was all that exciting, but now it is the better coupon email that I open instead of REAL emails. You have to write emails to get them...I tell myself. So I have decided to try and write more emails. Maybe my news is lame to me, but it could be quite interesting to people I barely speak to.
Am I going through some kind of 30 something crisis? Am I just a bored mom of 6? How can you put bored and mom of 6 in the same sentence? I am slowly seeing the world turn inward and forget about actual people, relationships, friendships. I am thankful I am married and not trying to date in such a cold world. Yes, there are old connections and friends of friends, but this is a day in the life of me...the phone almost never rings and when it does it is my mom, husband, or one of three friends who call me still and I call them. I get up, workout and take care of the family, it really is a full-time job. The house is never perfect at this point and laundry day is everyday. Cooking takes a few hours a meal if you include clean up. I get an hour or two to sew diapers, curl up on the couch and watch a show, or maybe eat lunch in quiet. Then the kids are up from nap. It is time to get dinner on the table, keep the kids from fighting nonstop, and bedtime takes a few hours. We are strict about sleep so I get a few hours with just my husband every evening too. And then it is the next day.
I don't know who my neighbors are really. I met one couple on my street and we have lived in our house seven months now. We are a bit out of place being a young family, but still. Summer hit and all the weekly meeting groups disappear, minus my woman's group that I really enjoy. (Often the only time I leave the house that whole week other than to grocery shop). I used to plan more...playdates and trips to the park, but with six kids leaving the house is work. It takes 30 minutes to get everyone ready and in the care. 4 of my kids need help with everything!
Even all that being said, I can still find time in the day to write this blog, stay in touch with people, have a five minute chat. I would still like to live in a world where those things matter and count. Feeling isolated seems to be part of motherhood, but has it gotten harder now that a glance at a page counts as staying in touch? I am interested to know what people think. Drop me a comment if you want.
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