So many things happen the weeks after the birth of a baby that one forgets how fast a month can be. I looked at my calender last Sunday and realized that Isaiah is already a month old and growing bigger by the moment. It is easy to forget how hard the first few weeks were when one is finally feeling human again.
Baby comes out and there is joy and mom has her body back. Unfortunately, mom's body is not quite what it used to be. There are weeks of healing and then months of working out to recover from carrying a baby. This does not include all the emotions and crazy moments, nor does it include weird things happening like crazy dry skin.
Once Isaiah was born I felt the best I have ever felt after a birth. My arms were strong, I could get in and out of bed with ease, and emotionally I was better than I expected to be considering that I was birthing and grieving at the same time. I enjoyed my first week of rest. There were great days where my husband brought me breakfast in bed, I barely left our room, and I got to sleep all the time. Anyone who knows me knows I struggle to stay in this state for very long.
I love to be working on projects and secretly enjoy cleaning my house. The noise of the children drives me nuts, but I love it. I began to feel restless without any energy. My husband was working around the clock and trying to keep up with household chores. I began chopping veggies at the kitchen table, still trying to rest by not standing up. Then I found myself wanting to load the dishwasher and wash dishes. It was too tempting to just through a load of laundry in the wash. When this starts to happen, mom realizes she is crazy. At least I did. I still needed to rest. I felt sore after loading the dishwasher. What was happening?
Um...postpartum. Nobody likes it, most of us erase it from our minds...but it really does exist. There is a time when everyone mom needs help and not every husband is able to be home for this. Work pressure for those on maternity leave increases, and work pressure for husbands taking time off work to help grows. I start to feel bad for not being my usual self. The US does not do this whole postpartum thing right.
After having six kids I now know from weeks 1-3 it would be nice to have an in house chef, someone to clean, and possibly childcare if there are other children to watch. Hiring help for these jobs could add up to a lot of cash. Plus, all I want is bonding time with my family, and I am sure I am not alone. Since hiring help for everything is not realistic for most people, one gets used to just getting by for a couple of weeks and then maybe going back to tasks sooner than one should. I guess I should be thankful I don't have to go back to picking crops in a field, but there is still something wrong.
If I could be a part of helping postpartum women I would love to help them figure out a meal plan for weeks 1-4 after birth, finding helpers for household needs, and just being there for the woman. I am thankful we hired a Doula who kind of goes above and beyond just the birth experience. She brought us a meal and offered to watch kids for us. Maybe a postpartum Doula is the answer? Family can help fill in the gaps, but let's face it, most family members have to work and America seems to be a country of little to no vacations and rests, so birth has kind have become something in the way of life instead of a joy that stops time for a little while.
Even after having six children I have not figured out postpartum...it is the one time people feel the most alone and neglected. Not usually the first week or two, but soon after that one is left alone to recover and rest, but lets face it...the time is just depressing. Even if one is not struggling majorly emotionally, emotions are bit harder to control. Life is overwhelming, and the pressure to heal fast is on. What have other people done in the postpartum time to make this stage more relaxing?
I am thankful for friends that reach out, cook meals, and understand how hard this stage is. I know I am not alone in thinking it would be nice to just not have to worry about what is going to happen after the baby is born...before I can take control again.
