My world is changing as I glance at my youngest daughter in her checkered pink daisy dress and my youngest son wobble walks around. I no longer really have a baby in the house for the first time in a long time. It has been years since I have had my whole self. I am not a feeding station for one baby and a growing station for another. My thoughts are clearer, but my heart is screaming. Babies grow faster than anyone realizes. I never realized that not having another one close to the last would put me in a place many other moms are in after one or two babies.
One forgets that cuddles are a part of life when one has a baby around. Now my youngest nurses once a day and pushes me away the rest of the time. This is natural of course. He has just learned the thrilling skill of walking. He also knows how to say "No" very clearly. Baby Isaiah has a voice of his own and he has places to go and things to do.
People still ask me if we will have any more kids. I always imagined six, though I never wanted to admit that out loud. In the process of having babies it is easy to miss how amazing each child is. I was pregnant for years, so I was distracted too. Each child has his or her own personality. When I take the time to observe, there are so many special qualities to them. Joel is my great helper. He loves babies a lot. He always helps with Isaiah and begs me to have another one soon. Ellie loves to chat and read. She has a secret world that she shows me in glimpses. Dominic loves to be noticed. As a middle child he wants to keep up with the older two kids, but sometimes just cannot. He loves trucks and cars. He also is interested in lighthouses. What a combination, right? Charis is so quiet. She is the one child that could be missed if one is not careful. She teaches herself skills and silently keeps up with everyone. She and Bria are partners in crime right now. Bria is my main observer. She tells me what everyone is doing and she clings to my lap more than the rest of them. Isaiah, as I mentioned, loves to explore. He is loved by all the siblings and he cannot imagine a world without so many people around. When the crowd is outside, he goes in search of them. He has a great ability to speak up and be heard. What can I say, children paint a lot of color into my life.
"Do you think having kids makes you feel like a real grown up?" I ask my husband one night.
"Having kids forces you to be less selfish. They make you think about more than just yourself," he mentions.
"Before I had about three kids I still felt like my high school self," I add, "Now that we have six I don't feel like a child anymore. They have made me grow up. Sometimes I am kicking and screaming."
"Even knowing that having kids replaces selfishness, there is still room to grow," Tim adds.
"That is really true," I say, "I would not be the woman I am without all my children. They have changed me in ways I don't always think about."
"Being a parent is so natural, yet so many of us are afraid of becoming parents. We don't want to give up what we have for something unknown," Tim states.
"I never thought having six kids would not feel like that many kids. When did this happen to me," I say.
Both Tim and I look at each other and smile.
"I feel the same way," Tim says.
