So here I am again, pregnant with baby number six, and even if I don't plan to write a whole blog about this baby, I am still super pregnancy brain focused. After each baby, I want to improve the pregnancy experience and figure out ways to stay healthy, fit and sane.
Over the last few years I have found it is important to focus on these things:
DIET! Women, Americans and food do not have the best relationships. Many people barely make time to eat, while others graze all day long. When one is pregnant think about nutrition as something one wants to understand better for the sake of the pregnancy and also the health of you whole family as everyone grows. Eating for comfort is modeled to your children. So is rushing through food and running off to the next activity. Sit down, have a healthy meal and even consider sitting down for small snacks. Relaxing is important. Also, consider the fact that if you eat proper food you will not feel hungry two seconds later. When you have morning sickness eat yogurt, an egg, something with good protein. If you go for a muffin, you will probably still feel sick. One does not have to cut out all sweets, but think about what is in junk food. Don't eat too much sugar. I have to say I have a sweet tooth. I love ice cream when I am pregnant and when I am not. I have learned that having a small amount is maybe not perfect, but controlled enough to not cause major harm. However, with my second child I ate what ever I wanted and I gained the most weight that pregnancy and never lost it all. When eating what one's body needs it is not impossible to shed baby weight without much effort in the year following the birth. I am still kicking myself for not being more careful with baby number two. With every other baby I have focused on eating as healthy as possible.
Then next thing is planning a workout routine. In the first month nobody wants to workout. I felt sick a lot this time around, but I still worked out. I have use Lindsey Brin's Moms Into Fitness workout portal. There is a monthly fee and and that keeps me motivated to keep working out. Miss a month, miss out on a $12 investment. (www.momsintofitness.com ) Plus, her workouts are amazing. I used her workouts to recover from baby number five, and I lost all the weight I had gained for that baby and a couple more pounds in about five months. Then I got pregnant again. My body was in such good shape I did not experience back pain, like I have in my past couple of pregnancies and I feel a lot like I did with baby number one. I am 20 weeks and 5 days and I have gained 3 1/4 pounds this entire pregnancy this far and I feel stronger than I have in years. I used to think walking would work, but after a few babies one needs to fix the core. Let's face it, if you are like me and have about 3-9 months between pregnancies, one needs to improve the body fast. I never thought I could feel like this pregnant with baby number six.
Then vitamins are very helpful. I have been working with midwife Carol Gautschi and she recommends a list of vitamins, not just a prenatal. Check out her list here http://gentlebirths.net/22/getting-started/. I am telling you it helps keep energy up, prevent illness, and much more. Plus she has all her clients take and herbal infusion http://gentlebirths.net/17/herbal-pregnancy-blend/. I have found that taking this I have less morning sickness and each herb has many more benefits. In talking with Carol at my last appointment she even said it helps prevent postpartum bleeding. I know I have not had any major bleed problems and I had retained placenta two times before working with Carol.
I have also been taking Dr Rons doc's best and calcium https://www.drrons.com/key-nutrients-formulas.htm since I was pregnant with my first baby. I take the doc's best instead of a prenatal. It has everything in it, just like a prenatal, but I know that is made from good sources.
To add to being healthy, sleep is also very important. It seems so easy, but getting into a good sleep routine is not always simple. With baby number one I rarely went to bed before 11PM and I never wanted to be up around 6 AM when my baby was up. I felt a mess all day, longing for the naps I could take when the baby was sleeping and I never really felt rested. I figured if I had to get up so much in the night, I might as well stay up until I was done with the first night feeding. Now, I just go to bed when I can. My goal is before 10 PM and closer to 9 PM. I am a much more fun mommy if I sleep. Even getting up for feedings is less stressful if I can try to aim for around seven hours of sleep total a day. Now my husband and I barely use an alarm clock. We usually get woken up by a baby, but even if we don't we wake up anyway. It is great. I hate waking up to beeping.
So pregnancy is not always easy and fun, but there are a few things one can do to make it just a bit better. Just remember, take care of you and your baby and just that alone will make you feel better.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Community: Hospitality and Family
Hospitality is a concept I thought all people viewed the same. As little kids, that spent time with other little kids from a similar class and background, I was usually treated the same way. If a person invited you over, you were fed if it was a meal time and treated like a guest no matter what age you were.
I just thought that going over people's homes and spend quality time would be a part of life. I assumed that people liked being around other people. One might say, I began to realize this was not true the second I moved off campus at my small liberal arts college.
On campus there was always something to do and lots of people around. When I moved into my first apartment, I thought life would be like it is on the show "Friends", but it was not that way. People I went to school with lived in our building. We would say "Hello" in the hallways and carry on. Drop by visits disappeared and turned into dinner invitations and meeting for coffee. We were busy college students with very little extra time.
Motherhood brought a whole new world of hospitality. When I just had one or two little ones, there were plenty of playgroups to keep my week very full. I never really felt like I was sitting around at home with just my children until around baby number 3. Most families at this point were out of stage baby and into putting their kids in preschool and activities. I was one of the few to keep having children and I did not put my oldest in preschool. My social life got smaller and smaller.
Then I got to thinking the other day. My closest friends from childhood are still my close friends now, I just do not live near any of them. These are the people I would run to without feeling like I had to simplify my problems. How can one really expect to build those kinds of friendships as an adult?
I thought having babies at the same time as other people would create lasting bonds. With my first child, I did become close friends with a couple of other ladies who were pregnant too. Having a first baby is such an unique time in life and the people around you then play such a huge role in all of it. However, I did not find that experience to be the same with other pregnancies.
Having kids gave me reasons to be places where other parents would be, but that does not automatically create friendships. Neither does just walking into a church. I would have to say I have joined group after group and one only becomes actual friends with a small number of people from those experiences. I may not feel as lonely because I have stuff to do, but in the seasons where getting out of the house is too difficult, things go quit as groups go on and you don't attend them.
Perhaps my approach to friendship is all wrong. Our number one small group is the family unit. We live in a culture where the family is constantly being split into little pieces. Every child has a life of his or her own. Both parents tend to work. Nobody spends much of the week together. The longer this continues the more effort it takes to keep up with everyone. I only have two kids in school and I currently do not work, but I still feel like I have lost a part of my kids. Yes, part of that is letting them go, but what levels of letting a child go is right? Being a close family unit is very important to me. I don't want to get lazy.
My husband and I have the same conversation over and over. "I feel so alone," I say as an extrovert trapped at home.
"Are you saying that your family is not good enough for you?" he asks.
"No, I don't mean that. I just feel like our community is lacking," I say.
Maybe my community is not lacking. I made up for the family time I did not have by spending lots of time with friends as a kid. I had a stay at home mom, but my dad traveled a lot. We went on family trips, but each family member did have secrets lives. It was very common to walk into our home and find each family member in a different room, except at dinner time. We all had dinner together. (that I am super grateful for). I would say I had more of my family's attention than most, but still felt alone.
What if my main community could be my family? How do we keep a home where were are not all doing our own activities in different rooms all the time? My kids have to mainly play in the living room because we do not have much space anywhere else. We have decided to make bedrooms for sleeping, so if one were to stop by our home, chances are all kids would be in the living room playing. This system does lead to lots more fights, but my our family is together most of the time. The older kids are involved with the little kids all the days that they are home. It is rare for them to even ask for friends to come over.
Having friends is an important part of life, but I think I have been placing it too high above other parts of life. I still wish I had time for weekly coffee dates and chatting to another adult, but I have a loving husband and five amazing kids. How could they not be the best community?
I just thought that going over people's homes and spend quality time would be a part of life. I assumed that people liked being around other people. One might say, I began to realize this was not true the second I moved off campus at my small liberal arts college.
On campus there was always something to do and lots of people around. When I moved into my first apartment, I thought life would be like it is on the show "Friends", but it was not that way. People I went to school with lived in our building. We would say "Hello" in the hallways and carry on. Drop by visits disappeared and turned into dinner invitations and meeting for coffee. We were busy college students with very little extra time.
Motherhood brought a whole new world of hospitality. When I just had one or two little ones, there were plenty of playgroups to keep my week very full. I never really felt like I was sitting around at home with just my children until around baby number 3. Most families at this point were out of stage baby and into putting their kids in preschool and activities. I was one of the few to keep having children and I did not put my oldest in preschool. My social life got smaller and smaller.
Then I got to thinking the other day. My closest friends from childhood are still my close friends now, I just do not live near any of them. These are the people I would run to without feeling like I had to simplify my problems. How can one really expect to build those kinds of friendships as an adult?
I thought having babies at the same time as other people would create lasting bonds. With my first child, I did become close friends with a couple of other ladies who were pregnant too. Having a first baby is such an unique time in life and the people around you then play such a huge role in all of it. However, I did not find that experience to be the same with other pregnancies.
Having kids gave me reasons to be places where other parents would be, but that does not automatically create friendships. Neither does just walking into a church. I would have to say I have joined group after group and one only becomes actual friends with a small number of people from those experiences. I may not feel as lonely because I have stuff to do, but in the seasons where getting out of the house is too difficult, things go quit as groups go on and you don't attend them.
Perhaps my approach to friendship is all wrong. Our number one small group is the family unit. We live in a culture where the family is constantly being split into little pieces. Every child has a life of his or her own. Both parents tend to work. Nobody spends much of the week together. The longer this continues the more effort it takes to keep up with everyone. I only have two kids in school and I currently do not work, but I still feel like I have lost a part of my kids. Yes, part of that is letting them go, but what levels of letting a child go is right? Being a close family unit is very important to me. I don't want to get lazy.
My husband and I have the same conversation over and over. "I feel so alone," I say as an extrovert trapped at home.
"Are you saying that your family is not good enough for you?" he asks.
"No, I don't mean that. I just feel like our community is lacking," I say.
Maybe my community is not lacking. I made up for the family time I did not have by spending lots of time with friends as a kid. I had a stay at home mom, but my dad traveled a lot. We went on family trips, but each family member did have secrets lives. It was very common to walk into our home and find each family member in a different room, except at dinner time. We all had dinner together. (that I am super grateful for). I would say I had more of my family's attention than most, but still felt alone.
What if my main community could be my family? How do we keep a home where were are not all doing our own activities in different rooms all the time? My kids have to mainly play in the living room because we do not have much space anywhere else. We have decided to make bedrooms for sleeping, so if one were to stop by our home, chances are all kids would be in the living room playing. This system does lead to lots more fights, but my our family is together most of the time. The older kids are involved with the little kids all the days that they are home. It is rare for them to even ask for friends to come over.
Having friends is an important part of life, but I think I have been placing it too high above other parts of life. I still wish I had time for weekly coffee dates and chatting to another adult, but I have a loving husband and five amazing kids. How could they not be the best community?
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