I used to have an card on my desk that said, "There are no good days or bad days, only days of grace." When I was in high school this is phrase kept me from getting too stressed out over papers and projects. Now this phrase means so much more. Juggling life is making sure there is food, a roof, money, time for the family ...the list is endless. Becoming an adult is so much more than I thought it would be.
There are traces of childhood that still float through me. I love sitting down an making something. When I was little I made lots of clothing for my dolls, now I make stuff for my home and the kids. The projects in my living room include a braided basket made of two old twin sheets, some mats, a braided rug, several RubyRumps cloth diapers, a wool diaper cover, and a baby gift for a friend who already had her baby over a month ago. My goals are running away with me, but usually I am better at finishing one project before starting another.
This is so symbolic of my life. I find myself running in circles through many tasks. Cooking ruts happen even with things like pinterest for new ideas. We eat different variations of the same things, but the other day I remembered it has been over a year since I may Indian food. For the kids it was a whole educational experience as I explained the food and how when I was in Bangladesh I got to eat with my hands. They all got a kick out of this.
So as my husband always asks, "What are you babbling about?" I am no sure what I am babbling about. I think my main point in the babble is to try in make sense of a direction when life starts to get jumbled as mine clearly has. I want a goal. Part of me insists it be beyond starting a business, cooking and cleaning, attempting to be super mommy, or even making sure I get my body back someday from the wear and tear of SIX babies!
Focus has not been my strong suit. I picked a liberal arts college so I would not have to limit myself and pick one thing. Is it even natural to define oneself by one thing? In my opinion it is not. So here is where I am at in finding a life goal. I want to be a stay at home mom, I may still want to home school my children, and I miss writing.
Since my dad died I keep thinking the one thing I wanted to accomplish in his lifetime was to publish my book, so my goal is to go back to my manuscript, edit, rewrite, and hope and pray someone else wants to read and publish my work.
YES, I have six kids, a lot to do, endless other things I could be doing, but if there are days of grace, then there will be many in the future as I go back to working on my book.
