After one week of making the sourdough starter, I had so much fermented dough, I did not know where to start. Making bread is great, but one does not want to eat bread for every meal, at least I do not. So there are some great recipes for different ways to use sourdough. After practicing I wanted to try an make up one myself.
Pizza Fridays is a staple in our house now. I have tried so many toppings and about three different crust recipes. Now I wanted to add sourdough and skip the brewer's yeast. So this it what I did.
1/2 cup of sourdough starter (Mine is 1 cup rye to one cup water and it took about 10 days thought it should only take 7)
4 cups of freshly milled hard red winter wheat berries
1 cup of water
pinch of sea salt
about 1/2 cup unbleached white flour (for dusting when shaping dough)
Mix all but the last ingredient in a bowl/ mixer
then remove and finish by hand. Place dough on a flat floured surface and knead for about 5 minutes. I put my dough in the fridge and then took it out about 4 hours before making the pizza. One can just shape pizzas. ( I like to use parchment paper under each crust) Heat up the oven to 450 with pizza stones. Then bake each crust for about 10 minutes. Put on sauce and toppings and bake for 10-15 more minutes. This recipe made 3 crusts.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
The Kitchen: Sourdough Week
Right before I found I was pregnant with Bria I had a brilliant batch of sourdough on my counter. I was feeding it and baking bread all the time. Our family had just purchased a grain mill and bread had never tasted better. Then I started to feel queasy when I walked into the kitchen, so I used up the rest of the starter and gave up. It has taken me until last week to start another batch of sourdough. Bria is almost 6 and half months old. Wow, I lost over a year of sourdough bread making, but now I am making up for it.
I just have a basic rye starter: 1 cup of water and 1 cup of rye. It was only supposed to take seven days to work, but I am convinced it is just starting to seem ready to work today (10 days later). I made some bread over last weekend, but it did not really rise the way I thought it would. Today I am making that same bread, so we will see what happens. It looks better after just a few hours.
Sourdough bread is a lesson in patience. One has to wait 12-15 hours in most climates to see if the bread is rising. Then one bakes it. On the plus side, one can go out all day and come home and bake fresh bread, or let the bread rise overnight and have fresh bread in the morning.
Other than bread, I am beginning to explore new recipes. We had some sourdough English muffins over the weekend. http://www.thefreshloaf.com/node/3241/sourdough-english-muffins These muffins were fantastic and really easy to make. We had them with scrambled eggs and fruit. It took about the same amount of time as pancakes.
Today, in an attempt to use more starter, I am making sourdough cinnamon rolls. http://whatscookingamerica.net/Bread/SourCinnRolls.htm Right now they are rising, so I will be baking them in about and hour. I have been craving cinnamon rolls for week, so I hope they taste as good as they look on the website. My kids loved tasting the filling. I added walnuts to ours instead of raisins.
Now there should be some room for me to feed my starter again. My husband has begun calling the starter a beast. It is very much like having a pet that needs to eat once a day. I must have about three quarts of the stuff now, so there is a lot of bread and other goodies to make. Maybe we will try bagels and add sourdough to our pizza crust one Friday. Anyone know any good recipes?
I just have a basic rye starter: 1 cup of water and 1 cup of rye. It was only supposed to take seven days to work, but I am convinced it is just starting to seem ready to work today (10 days later). I made some bread over last weekend, but it did not really rise the way I thought it would. Today I am making that same bread, so we will see what happens. It looks better after just a few hours.
Sourdough bread is a lesson in patience. One has to wait 12-15 hours in most climates to see if the bread is rising. Then one bakes it. On the plus side, one can go out all day and come home and bake fresh bread, or let the bread rise overnight and have fresh bread in the morning.
Other than bread, I am beginning to explore new recipes. We had some sourdough English muffins over the weekend. http://www.thefreshloaf.com/node/3241/sourdough-english-muffins These muffins were fantastic and really easy to make. We had them with scrambled eggs and fruit. It took about the same amount of time as pancakes.
Today, in an attempt to use more starter, I am making sourdough cinnamon rolls. http://whatscookingamerica.net/Bread/SourCinnRolls.htm Right now they are rising, so I will be baking them in about and hour. I have been craving cinnamon rolls for week, so I hope they taste as good as they look on the website. My kids loved tasting the filling. I added walnuts to ours instead of raisins.
Now there should be some room for me to feed my starter again. My husband has begun calling the starter a beast. It is very much like having a pet that needs to eat once a day. I must have about three quarts of the stuff now, so there is a lot of bread and other goodies to make. Maybe we will try bagels and add sourdough to our pizza crust one Friday. Anyone know any good recipes?
Monday, May 21, 2012
Looking Back On My 20's: Manuscripts
Even with the craziness of having a couple of really small kids, I decided I would dedicate some time to writing every single day. My first project was more for me. I am not sure I should ever pursue publishing that manuscript because I wrote it as fiction, but it is mostly creative nonfiction with a twist. After writing it, I realized I wanted to write one of my real stories. I set out to write my mastectomy story. I even sent out a few letters to agents, nobody wanting to publish yet.
Then I had Dominic, and a few more babies and that brings me to today. Where do I stand as a writer and when will I ever find time to write again? I write this blog and that is about it for now. We will see. I am thinking about some fiction. I figure I will write when I can and maybe self publish, or write more queries later. I love the writing part, like less the rewriting part, and look forward least to the idea of trying to convince someone my work is worth reading.
Just for fun, I want to post a section of My Mastectomy Tale: One Breast Less.
Drinking orange goo, while staring at a rather intimidating tunnel I was about to enter, was just the beginning of my MRI introduction. I sat gulping the orange soda flavored stuff (orange soda flavor seriously gone wrong), feeling queasy with each sip. I never really liked soda much to begin with, but this tasted much worse.
The room was beige, even the machine I was about to spend a fair amount of time in was beige. This was a nice change from all the dazzling white doctor’s offices I had spent so much time in. I sat in the room wishing the warmth of the wall coloring would help me feel better, but I was overcome by the same sensations I experienced in just about every doctor’s office. I felt hollow and empty.
“I have a selection of CDs for you to choose from. The procedure will last roughly forty-five minutes,” the technician informed me.
The stack of CDs was filled with people I had never heard of until I reached for a cover that looked slightly familiar. It was a white cover with glamorous Celine Dion on the front.
“This one,” I pointed at it feeling deeply embarrassed.
Telling people what music I liked was like unlocking one of my most treasured secrets. I am not sure why, but I have always felt as if nobody understood my taste in music, so I always tried to keep it to myself. Celine Dion brought back a lot of memories for me. She was the person I listened to when I was painting my nails odd colors of purple, blue, and magenta in junior high. My first prank calls to cute boys included me playing “My Heart Will Go On” for their answering machines. In any case, Celine Dion was the perfect distraction for a rather lengthy MRI. I had no idea eliciting past memories would save my sanity.
My whole body was encompassed in a tube, one breast in a hole. I felt as if the hole might suck up my entire body if I was not careful. Song after song played and it is a CD I am so acquainted with I knew what was about to play next. I could even judge how long it might take until the entire CD was finished. Around such a time, I would no longer have to lie in the tube.
My stomach felt queasy. My entire body limp. It was probably a good thing that nobody explained what an MRI was like prior to my experience. I wanted to jump out several times. Forget my trip down memory lane through Celine Dion’s amazing voice. If I did not get out soon, I might puke. What would happen if I did? Was there some kind of button to press for assistance?
The music had stopped a few minutes ago and my brain ran away with the nauseous sensation. Where was the nice MRI technician? I NEEDED to get out of this thing.
Just as I felt like I could not stand one more minute of the tube, I heard footsteps and the technician was ready to let me out. Thankfully, I never puked and the feeling left me the instant I left the tube.
Moments like the MRI experience reminded me of the reality of my situation. The lump could be serious and the MRI was merely a machine that allowed the doctor to make a more accurate assessment of my situation.
So there I was reliving a difficult time in my life, but I must say writing was a great way to process everything I went through. As I live more, there are even more topics to write about. I must say I really enjoy thinking about new topics to explore. Not only are there more things to write about, but there are different ways to write. Fiction, plays, creative nonfiction, poetry. . . my favorite writer, Victor Hugo, explored all genres of writing, and I hope to as well.
Then I had Dominic, and a few more babies and that brings me to today. Where do I stand as a writer and when will I ever find time to write again? I write this blog and that is about it for now. We will see. I am thinking about some fiction. I figure I will write when I can and maybe self publish, or write more queries later. I love the writing part, like less the rewriting part, and look forward least to the idea of trying to convince someone my work is worth reading.
Just for fun, I want to post a section of My Mastectomy Tale: One Breast Less.
Drinking orange goo, while staring at a rather intimidating tunnel I was about to enter, was just the beginning of my MRI introduction. I sat gulping the orange soda flavored stuff (orange soda flavor seriously gone wrong), feeling queasy with each sip. I never really liked soda much to begin with, but this tasted much worse.
The room was beige, even the machine I was about to spend a fair amount of time in was beige. This was a nice change from all the dazzling white doctor’s offices I had spent so much time in. I sat in the room wishing the warmth of the wall coloring would help me feel better, but I was overcome by the same sensations I experienced in just about every doctor’s office. I felt hollow and empty.
“I have a selection of CDs for you to choose from. The procedure will last roughly forty-five minutes,” the technician informed me.
The stack of CDs was filled with people I had never heard of until I reached for a cover that looked slightly familiar. It was a white cover with glamorous Celine Dion on the front.
“This one,” I pointed at it feeling deeply embarrassed.
Telling people what music I liked was like unlocking one of my most treasured secrets. I am not sure why, but I have always felt as if nobody understood my taste in music, so I always tried to keep it to myself. Celine Dion brought back a lot of memories for me. She was the person I listened to when I was painting my nails odd colors of purple, blue, and magenta in junior high. My first prank calls to cute boys included me playing “My Heart Will Go On” for their answering machines. In any case, Celine Dion was the perfect distraction for a rather lengthy MRI. I had no idea eliciting past memories would save my sanity.
My whole body was encompassed in a tube, one breast in a hole. I felt as if the hole might suck up my entire body if I was not careful. Song after song played and it is a CD I am so acquainted with I knew what was about to play next. I could even judge how long it might take until the entire CD was finished. Around such a time, I would no longer have to lie in the tube.
My stomach felt queasy. My entire body limp. It was probably a good thing that nobody explained what an MRI was like prior to my experience. I wanted to jump out several times. Forget my trip down memory lane through Celine Dion’s amazing voice. If I did not get out soon, I might puke. What would happen if I did? Was there some kind of button to press for assistance?
The music had stopped a few minutes ago and my brain ran away with the nauseous sensation. Where was the nice MRI technician? I NEEDED to get out of this thing.
Just as I felt like I could not stand one more minute of the tube, I heard footsteps and the technician was ready to let me out. Thankfully, I never puked and the feeling left me the instant I left the tube.
Moments like the MRI experience reminded me of the reality of my situation. The lump could be serious and the MRI was merely a machine that allowed the doctor to make a more accurate assessment of my situation.
So there I was reliving a difficult time in my life, but I must say writing was a great way to process everything I went through. As I live more, there are even more topics to write about. I must say I really enjoy thinking about new topics to explore. Not only are there more things to write about, but there are different ways to write. Fiction, plays, creative nonfiction, poetry. . . my favorite writer, Victor Hugo, explored all genres of writing, and I hope to as well.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Me: One month minus 3 pounds!
A few weeks ago I published a post about eating more and melting pounds. I have been working out using Lindsey Brin's "Boot Camp 2" for the last four weeks and I feel great! All of a sudden I have energy to clean the things I have not looked at since Bria's birth. I also can make it through the whole day without wanting to curl up on the couch. No Bria is not sleeping perfectly through the night, so I know it is not her sleep habits assisting me with my extra energy. This is the best I have felt six months out of a pregnancy ever, however I have been pregnant around this time in the past.
This month I have learned postpartum nutrition is just as important as pregnancy nutrition. I do not struggle as much with trying to be healthy pregnant because there is a baby inside of me. Plus, food just does not taste as good to me when I am pregnant. I know most people have the opposite opinion of food, but that's just how it is for me. Also when the baby is here I want to remember what everything tasted like before I was pregnant. I want to bake something just about everyday and taste test along the way. It gets addicting to use food as a reward for getting X task done or making through a crazy day with all my kids crying and screaming. When the kids go to bed, I start to eat. (Yes there are many days when I do not feel like I got to enjoy anything I ate when the kids were awake)
Nutrition does not mean starve. I am not trained in nutrition, but I do know that eating right is important. It has nothing to do with officially being on a diet. All I am talking about is cutting out empty calories and foods one should not really be eating much anyway. For example my menu yesterday was:
Breakfast- 1/2 cup of steel cut oats, 1/4 cup of frozen berries, 1 egg omelet, and a small cup of decaf (swiss water processed) coffee.
Snack 1- A pear with 1 TBSP of almond butter
Lunch- Turkey, mozzarella cheese, kale grilled sandwich and some Mary's Gone Crackers
Snack 2- 1/2 cup plain yogurt, 1TBSP honey, 1/4 cup of blueberries
Dinner- Bow-tie pasta with sun dried tomatoes, kale, ground turkey, and leeks
3 sliced strawberries and 1/4 cup of blueberries
Nobody is starving here at all. In fact all this food tasted great. All I am really missing in my small cup of chocolate chips, a cookie, or some other kinds of fun sugary food. Those things have been replaced with fruit and some kind of protein.
Does one need to eat so well everyday? I will admit, I did not. One day most weeks I baked something, usually cookies. Instead of tasting the batter, I tried to make as many cookies as possible. I actually measured the cookies with a measuring spoon (they were all 2 TBSP). One of my favorite cookbooks has the calories per cookies, so I added it into the 1800-2000 calories I was eating that day. Unfortunately, eating treats taste good, but my energy level was not as good that day. One gets to eat "more" and actually feel full with the protein fruit combination.
For dinner I eat until I am full and I do not worry a ton about the exact serving size. This helps me stay away from eating everything out of the fridge after the kids go to bed. In our family the main three meals of the day are pretty easy. We always strive to eat healthy meals. I must say it is the snack times I had to plan out more.
The benefits of being slightly more healthy have been weight loss while breastfeeding, something that has never happened to me before, and being able to wear some of my jeans again. Breastfeeding does burn some calories, but not enough to make up for 4 treats a day. Plus, baby and I do not need that much sugar ( I am writing this for me as I daydream about making homemade donuts).
Eating right is not the only thing I am working on. Lindsey Brin's workouts come with a schedule so I have found that to be really helpful. Some days I feel like I did not work out much, but the next day I will feel it. The length of each workout is just enough to lose some weight, but not so much that one is left super tired. The months before this, my diet needed some help and I would workout too much to try and lose weight. The result from my first plan ended in gaining back a lot of my pregnancy weight.
I actually enjoy working out, so it is fun to have a plan mapped out for me and something new to look forward to. I am not following Lindsey Brin's diet, but I am using some of her tips. Overall, I have needed to be accountable for me. After being pregnant for so long it is hard to tell when one is full or just bored. I am not a huge fan of calorie counting because one can miss important nutrients by trying to pick only low calorie options, but it is helpful to know how many calories one might be eating and what positive changes one might make. Recording progress makes it easier to stay on track. I have measured myself according to Lindsey's progress tracker and today I just took my first physical fitness test (one a month). Without measurements I would not feel like I was making much progress at all. Losing weight slowly can feel depressing at times, but so worth it if I don't gain it all back. I look forward to seeing if I will do better a month from now.
This month I have learned postpartum nutrition is just as important as pregnancy nutrition. I do not struggle as much with trying to be healthy pregnant because there is a baby inside of me. Plus, food just does not taste as good to me when I am pregnant. I know most people have the opposite opinion of food, but that's just how it is for me. Also when the baby is here I want to remember what everything tasted like before I was pregnant. I want to bake something just about everyday and taste test along the way. It gets addicting to use food as a reward for getting X task done or making through a crazy day with all my kids crying and screaming. When the kids go to bed, I start to eat. (Yes there are many days when I do not feel like I got to enjoy anything I ate when the kids were awake)
Nutrition does not mean starve. I am not trained in nutrition, but I do know that eating right is important. It has nothing to do with officially being on a diet. All I am talking about is cutting out empty calories and foods one should not really be eating much anyway. For example my menu yesterday was:
Breakfast- 1/2 cup of steel cut oats, 1/4 cup of frozen berries, 1 egg omelet, and a small cup of decaf (swiss water processed) coffee.
Snack 1- A pear with 1 TBSP of almond butter
Lunch- Turkey, mozzarella cheese, kale grilled sandwich and some Mary's Gone Crackers
Snack 2- 1/2 cup plain yogurt, 1TBSP honey, 1/4 cup of blueberries
Dinner- Bow-tie pasta with sun dried tomatoes, kale, ground turkey, and leeks
3 sliced strawberries and 1/4 cup of blueberries
Nobody is starving here at all. In fact all this food tasted great. All I am really missing in my small cup of chocolate chips, a cookie, or some other kinds of fun sugary food. Those things have been replaced with fruit and some kind of protein.
Does one need to eat so well everyday? I will admit, I did not. One day most weeks I baked something, usually cookies. Instead of tasting the batter, I tried to make as many cookies as possible. I actually measured the cookies with a measuring spoon (they were all 2 TBSP). One of my favorite cookbooks has the calories per cookies, so I added it into the 1800-2000 calories I was eating that day. Unfortunately, eating treats taste good, but my energy level was not as good that day. One gets to eat "more" and actually feel full with the protein fruit combination.
For dinner I eat until I am full and I do not worry a ton about the exact serving size. This helps me stay away from eating everything out of the fridge after the kids go to bed. In our family the main three meals of the day are pretty easy. We always strive to eat healthy meals. I must say it is the snack times I had to plan out more.
The benefits of being slightly more healthy have been weight loss while breastfeeding, something that has never happened to me before, and being able to wear some of my jeans again. Breastfeeding does burn some calories, but not enough to make up for 4 treats a day. Plus, baby and I do not need that much sugar ( I am writing this for me as I daydream about making homemade donuts).
Eating right is not the only thing I am working on. Lindsey Brin's workouts come with a schedule so I have found that to be really helpful. Some days I feel like I did not work out much, but the next day I will feel it. The length of each workout is just enough to lose some weight, but not so much that one is left super tired. The months before this, my diet needed some help and I would workout too much to try and lose weight. The result from my first plan ended in gaining back a lot of my pregnancy weight.
I actually enjoy working out, so it is fun to have a plan mapped out for me and something new to look forward to. I am not following Lindsey Brin's diet, but I am using some of her tips. Overall, I have needed to be accountable for me. After being pregnant for so long it is hard to tell when one is full or just bored. I am not a huge fan of calorie counting because one can miss important nutrients by trying to pick only low calorie options, but it is helpful to know how many calories one might be eating and what positive changes one might make. Recording progress makes it easier to stay on track. I have measured myself according to Lindsey's progress tracker and today I just took my first physical fitness test (one a month). Without measurements I would not feel like I was making much progress at all. Losing weight slowly can feel depressing at times, but so worth it if I don't gain it all back. I look forward to seeing if I will do better a month from now.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Me: Reflecting on my 20's
It will not be long before June 22, so I would like to take some time this month and maybe in early June to think about all the joys of being a woman in my 20's.
I remember being in my second year of college and thinking that living in apartment, away from dorm life could be so exciting. My mind created elegant dinner parties and lots of great conversations with friends. In reality, many meals were pasta with tomato sauce as I dashed to an evening class. Our apartment was really nice, for a first place and we did have dinners there a few times.
Most people probably saw me as extremely idealistic, and I still am. I would spend hours praying, sometimes until three in the morning. I loved my social life more than academics. By social life, I really enjoyed being surrounded by people all the time. It was an extroverts dream world. I think I have been trying to recreate the college community ever since and I have failed miserably. College made up some of the greatest years of my life.
Tim, my best friend and loving husband began chapter two of my twenties. I waited most of college to finally be Tim's girlfriend, as he did not plan to date until he found the one. What a blessing he decided I was her. I remember when Tim and I were finally married and all I could think about was how I could not picture any of my life without him in it. We have been on many adventures, but the highlight is having five children.
It was not until around child number three that I actually felt like it was socially acceptable for me to walk around in public pregnant. The pressure to become something great before having children used to weigh on my a lot more. Looking back, having children made me become a better person, thus making me more focused on anything new I might want to learn.
I have felt thirty for years now because I love being a wife and mother and I would rather have a routine, instead of being free to do what ever I want. For awhile I felt like I had to prove something to the world, I still struggle with this, but what is wrong with being able to serve the people around me. Every year I am a stay at home mom I learn new skills. It is the education of life that never stops. This year I have learned to sew. I had not used a sewing machine since middle school, but as it turns out, I love making things!
Maybe I have not put together a real outfit since college. Perhaps some might say I missed out on travel, a great career, and much more. When I watch my children play or learn a new skill, I remember how it important new life is and how blessed I am to be a part of it all.
I remember being in my second year of college and thinking that living in apartment, away from dorm life could be so exciting. My mind created elegant dinner parties and lots of great conversations with friends. In reality, many meals were pasta with tomato sauce as I dashed to an evening class. Our apartment was really nice, for a first place and we did have dinners there a few times.
Most people probably saw me as extremely idealistic, and I still am. I would spend hours praying, sometimes until three in the morning. I loved my social life more than academics. By social life, I really enjoyed being surrounded by people all the time. It was an extroverts dream world. I think I have been trying to recreate the college community ever since and I have failed miserably. College made up some of the greatest years of my life.
Tim, my best friend and loving husband began chapter two of my twenties. I waited most of college to finally be Tim's girlfriend, as he did not plan to date until he found the one. What a blessing he decided I was her. I remember when Tim and I were finally married and all I could think about was how I could not picture any of my life without him in it. We have been on many adventures, but the highlight is having five children.
It was not until around child number three that I actually felt like it was socially acceptable for me to walk around in public pregnant. The pressure to become something great before having children used to weigh on my a lot more. Looking back, having children made me become a better person, thus making me more focused on anything new I might want to learn.
I have felt thirty for years now because I love being a wife and mother and I would rather have a routine, instead of being free to do what ever I want. For awhile I felt like I had to prove something to the world, I still struggle with this, but what is wrong with being able to serve the people around me. Every year I am a stay at home mom I learn new skills. It is the education of life that never stops. This year I have learned to sew. I had not used a sewing machine since middle school, but as it turns out, I love making things!
Maybe I have not put together a real outfit since college. Perhaps some might say I missed out on travel, a great career, and much more. When I watch my children play or learn a new skill, I remember how it important new life is and how blessed I am to be a part of it all.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Projects: Knitting a Dish Cloth
I am going back to one of my favorite activities of all time, knitting. The sewing machine is in the closet so we can have our living room back for now, and I am going through all the old yarn I currently own. One of my goals is to find a project for all of it. In some cases I do not have much left at all.
Three years ago I knit a cotton orange sweater. It was the first sweater I ever made and I love the yarn I used. I had a very small amount left and no idea what to use it for. After looking at knitting books for inspiration, I decided to make a dish cloth. It was really simple, plus I did not have to spend more than an hour making it.
I did not use a pattern, I just decided it might be fun to have a mild lace pattern and a good border.
This is left over Cascade Pima Cotton
I used size 4 needles
Cast on 40 stitches
K 5 rows
Line one : K 5 stitches K 3 K2T yo K until the last five stitches and K 5
Line two: K5 P until the last five stitches K5
Line three: K 5 K 2 K2T yo K2T yo until the last five stitches and K 5
Repeat line two
Repeat lines one through four
Knit across
Purl across
Knit across
Purl across
Repeat beginning pattern
make until almost a square and then K the last five rows and cast off.
This project was fun to make and I actually look forward to washing dishes.
Three years ago I knit a cotton orange sweater. It was the first sweater I ever made and I love the yarn I used. I had a very small amount left and no idea what to use it for. After looking at knitting books for inspiration, I decided to make a dish cloth. It was really simple, plus I did not have to spend more than an hour making it.
This is left over Cascade Pima Cotton
I used size 4 needles
Cast on 40 stitches
K 5 rows
Line one : K 5 stitches K 3 K2T yo K until the last five stitches and K 5
Line two: K5 P until the last five stitches K5
Line three: K 5 K 2 K2T yo K2T yo until the last five stitches and K 5
Repeat line two
Repeat lines one through four
Knit across
Purl across
Knit across
Purl across
Repeat beginning pattern
make until almost a square and then K the last five rows and cast off.
This project was fun to make and I actually look forward to washing dishes.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Community: The Church
I have been putting off writing this post for a long time, but I think it is something that many might relate to if I just really write from the heart. My Christian walk did not begin with cute little Sunday school memories and family Bible reading. Instead I was tricked into going to a worship conference, where I had a vision of Jesus on the cross and found myself leaving a Christian. People continue to tell me that that is not how people come to Christ, but I know it can be how it happens.
Now I have been a part of four churches in my life. Most of them having "louder" worship, some tongues, and lots of praying out loud. None of these "weird" church behaviors have bothered me...I must say, I quite enjoy a church like this...I was not raised to think otherwise. In fact, nobody told me what church was supposed to be like and I still have no clue what REAL church is. All I know is, church as a youth group, young adult type person can be fun and powerful, but church as a mommy of five kids is a tearing experience.
Do I want to be the mommy who puts my kids in Sunday school? It is nice to sit quietly with my husband for a couple of hours and not worry about the kids. In theory this works when the kids are old enough. Right now church is a great place to play musical chairs and parents. I have three little kids not wanting to sit still, but they will not let anyone else watch them. I have older kids who have figured out how to be quiet, and a baby miserable for the next couple of days because the nap schedule was ruined by church. Having kids is kind of an isolating experience as far a church is concerned. It is sometimes much easier just to say home and make pancakes.
For many people who knew me in high school or college, I was the last person anyone would think to stay home on church day. ( I say church day because my husband and I are Sat. Sabbath keepers who often attend church on Sunday because it is hard to find the right Sabbath church...a whole new story). I wish I could say I love going to church, but the only parts of the church experience I really miss are the times of extended worship through song and prayer. I can listen to sermons on the internet and I often do. It is much easier to hear a sermon with my kids napping in the next room instead of while chasing them around the church.
I know plenty of people just train their children to enjoy the nursery and do not experience the struggles I do, but I also know I am not alone. I do not think I have really worshiped and heard a whole sermon in about seven years.
I am thankful that my identity is in Christ, not church. God is meeting me and my family. I am thankful or scripture times. I do miss dancing in the back of the church, but I know those days are not gone forever. Maybe there will be a women's retreat to go to when I am done nursing.
Now I have been a part of four churches in my life. Most of them having "louder" worship, some tongues, and lots of praying out loud. None of these "weird" church behaviors have bothered me...I must say, I quite enjoy a church like this...I was not raised to think otherwise. In fact, nobody told me what church was supposed to be like and I still have no clue what REAL church is. All I know is, church as a youth group, young adult type person can be fun and powerful, but church as a mommy of five kids is a tearing experience.
Do I want to be the mommy who puts my kids in Sunday school? It is nice to sit quietly with my husband for a couple of hours and not worry about the kids. In theory this works when the kids are old enough. Right now church is a great place to play musical chairs and parents. I have three little kids not wanting to sit still, but they will not let anyone else watch them. I have older kids who have figured out how to be quiet, and a baby miserable for the next couple of days because the nap schedule was ruined by church. Having kids is kind of an isolating experience as far a church is concerned. It is sometimes much easier just to say home and make pancakes.
For many people who knew me in high school or college, I was the last person anyone would think to stay home on church day. ( I say church day because my husband and I are Sat. Sabbath keepers who often attend church on Sunday because it is hard to find the right Sabbath church...a whole new story). I wish I could say I love going to church, but the only parts of the church experience I really miss are the times of extended worship through song and prayer. I can listen to sermons on the internet and I often do. It is much easier to hear a sermon with my kids napping in the next room instead of while chasing them around the church.
I know plenty of people just train their children to enjoy the nursery and do not experience the struggles I do, but I also know I am not alone. I do not think I have really worshiped and heard a whole sermon in about seven years.
I am thankful that my identity is in Christ, not church. God is meeting me and my family. I am thankful or scripture times. I do miss dancing in the back of the church, but I know those days are not gone forever. Maybe there will be a women's retreat to go to when I am done nursing.
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