When I was in high school, I was the girl who shocked everyone at the Hard Rock Cafe as I polished down an entire burger and fries. This was even more impressive when people saw me... I was 4'11 and 95 pounds. In my spare time one could find me walking around Kitchell Lake after spending an hour and half dancing or a long cross country practice. I was very much in shape and strong enough to shock the boys with my muscles. I never had to worry about eating too much and I never spent hours trying to pick out all the parts of my body I did not like, other than my mustache that I took care of in the 8th grade after to cute boy told me I had more hair on my face than him.
My next challenge was a mastectomy at age 18. Even this did not crush how I saw myself. I was able to have reconstructive surgery that allowed me to forget there was anything different when it came to getting dressed in the morning and looking like a normal woman to the outside world.
So what am I complaining about now? After five babies I am more insecure about my body than I was in high school or college. I have this amazing husband who loves me and constantly tells me I am beautiful. Why do I feel so insecure. No matter how amazing one's life is, it is still hard to go from being 95 pounds and never worry about a pair of jeans fitting, to being 134 pounds and praying everyday that there will be something in the closet that actually fits. I am being real here because I think this is something a lot of women face, but do not want to talk about. We all have friends who go and have a baby and three months later they look amazing. After my first child I was close to being that person. However, things have changed and I desperately want my body back. Not for vanity's sake alone, but I guess it is slightly vain. I also want to know I am the healthiest version of me possible.
About three months ago I stumbled across Lindsey Brin's website and I have not looked back. I worked on my four weeks free and ended up joining her workout portal. This experience has left me feeling like high school me all over again. In three months I have added calories to eat about 1800 a day. Learned how to balance my eating. Then paired down my calories to suit my size better, 1500. I used calorie count at about.com to assist me in this process because it tell you what specific nutrients might be lacking in one's diet. It also lets one set the diet to lactation so I do not have to be scared I will not have enough milk. I still eat a bit over my recommended amount, just to make sure I have enough fuel to breastfeed.
In three months the scale has gone from 134 pounds to 126. I started this last pregnancy at 125 so if this had been my first baby I would be almost back to my weight. I have also seen my waistline go from 33 inches to 29 inches. My clothing basically fits and I am in the best shape I have felt since my last cross country season. So even though I have quite a bit more work to do, I would say that this has really helped me out a lot.
I feel like there is tons of education revolving around pregnancy and how to eat, but there is a black hole when it comes to the following years. For one thing, it is hard to find studies on women who have babies close together and how their recovery compares to those who have one baby and then three years later have another. Then I have yet to find a good testimony of someone who has had five babies in seven years and recovered back to a normal person again. So here goes, I will be honest with my story. I look forward to hopefully being able to say that pregnancy has made me the strongest version of me ever.
Thanks for sharing this, Marion. It IS something we as women face. I haven't had children, and I even struggle sometimes with the scale not showing the same number as it did when I was in high school and swimming 9 practices a week!
ReplyDeleteI rarely ever weigh myself now, but go by how my body functions and feels. For the most part, my body feels healthier in its current state than it ever has.
-Camille