Community: Christ's Child

It is strange how very little I knew about churches and church going when I became a Christian.  What lead me to God was not a long winded sermon, or an intellectual debate.  Nope, it took something that does not make sense to most people.  All I needed was a little picture from God that made me know forever that He exists.

For me, I would not say I am in a crisis of faith, because my faith in God will never change.  I have experienced God in such a way, that He has to be real.  However, I do not understand why I cannot figure out how to enjoy church as a mother of small children.

When it was just me at church, worship was always the most meaningful part of a service.  I loved to close my eyes and let everything else disappear.  It was one of the only times I felt as if I could actually be myself and most people would not even notice.  Worship was safe and comforting in a world filled with so many expectations of how people are supposed to be.

Now I have kids and worship barely happens at church.  How can one close their eyes when a two year old might run around the church?  If the kids are in their own programs, often my husband or I is with the little ones.  I really feel like church is fine for the single, childless, and parents of older children.  I imagine my experience with teenagers who do not need me to keep an eye on them.  Maybe I will experience closing my eyes and really being free.

Sermons are different for me.  I am more visual anyway, so unless a sermon is thirty minutes or shorter, I would rather read the notes or read a book.  It is great to hear a live speaker and not completely give up on that, but one must also know how to interpret God's word without just cloning ideas from the opinions from others.  Sharing stories of faith is inspirational, but by itself, not a true relationship with God.  My relationship with God is between God and I.  Church does not define it, other peoples' opinions also do not define it.

I used to think that if one did not attend church every week there was something seriously wrong.  Now I barely go to church and when I do I am praying for it to end because I am trying to keep order or I am not in the service at all.

We will have worship at home sometimes.  My husband plays piano, but when he is not home we use cd's or utube.  The kids and I love to dance as a form of worship.  I pick songs they learn at school, or songs I love.  An hour flies by and we have just had fun.  This is how church used to be for me.  I want my children to know connecting with God is important, but it does not have to be through sitting around.

My husband leads worship through scripture and prayer every night.  He has even been teaching the kids about kneeling during prayer.  We do not believe one has to kneel, but posturing oneself before God is important.  My children all know we are Christian and love Jesus.  The older two talk about Jesus and sing songs constantly.

People are the church.  I really believe this goes outside of the walls of churches, or denominations.  I think that loving each other is a form of worship.  Churches have been very loving this way.  So many wonderful people have tried to help us watch our children.  My older kids have been included in helping take up offering.  Most churches have been supportive of us having most of our kids, if not all of them, in the service.  We have been blessed with meals after the births of all of our children.

There still seems to be a need for some kind of gathering.  I still love to worship with a large group of people.  I miss praying for hours with friends.  My kids need to meet other Christian kids.  I like to hear a sermon from time to time.  I miss church, but long for a way to have a family of small kids and enjoy being in a Christ focused gathering.  Really what I am describing is families coming together and just spending quality time together.  Let's face it, without simple community, there really is no point for larger gatherings.  In high school, church was another place to gather with friends.  Now a bit more isolated from day to day society beyond my own family, I long to see other families and spend time with them, much more than showing up at big gathering where our family is welcomed, but kind of in the way.

God's love can be very tangible if we let it be.  We can love and serve Him from where we are at all times.  Thank you Jesus for always loving us.  Maybe I am not a great church attender, but I still love Jesus.