Birth and Humility

There are so many things that are tempting to speed up.  One can microwave food and speed up a birth with drugs.  We have cars, trains, and planes to get places quickly.  It is not a surprise that trying to patient is a bit frustrating in a world where one hardly ever has to wait for anything.

I have given birth five times and I am waiting on baby number six.  Not one birth story is identical to the others.  Why am I expecting this birth to be any different.  My latest experience with birth is having active labor set in and then stop.  I felt like I got half way through to pushing out  a baby and then nothing.  My body is tired, like I went through the whole thing...it did take several hours before all the contractions slowed to a rapid halt. 

Emotions are crazy during this.  I have found myself begging God to make this birth end and asking for clarity as to why my body is not letting me have the baby.  Sometimes we just need a break.  I am tired, so I need to view this time as a great time to rest.  I was not thrilled with how some things went yesterday, so now I get a second try and I get to explain what was not going well for me. 

Then there is grief.  Yet another event is happening and my dad is still dead.  There is no light way to say it...he will not be here to meet new baby and it stinks!  Why couldn't he have waited a bit longer?  I know, death is not a choice, but it is hard to think it would have only been a couple more months.  My greatest memory of the last birth is my dad rushing to pick up all the kids as I am delivering Bria.  I keep thinking I will here his voice in the house when I have this one and it is so painful to think I won't.

Having babies is a complicated process.  Did you know you could stop your own labor with emotions?  We forget that start and stop labor is common.  I have heard all these stories about it and a lot of the time there is an emotional reason as to why the labor will not progress.  Sometimes the body needs a break.  Maybe baby needs need to move into a better position. 

I think in my case it is all.  When I feel rushed, I feel like my labor slows down.  I also think grief is playing a role in the way my birth this time is playing out.  Then the baby's head is down, but sometimes I am still feeling it hit one side.

Now it is time to relax and enjoy the fact that I get a break for contractions for now.  I get to sleep without pain every few minutes.  Best of all, no one is waking me up in the middle of the night yet. 

My baby will come at the right time.  I am saying this mostly for me.  It is a humbling experience to remember that each birth is a mystery.  One does not know when it will happen and how it will be.   All I know is it will be a blessing to see what happens next.