One day's worth of laundry (3 loads)Why is it so difficult to feel connected to the world with a new baby? Sure there are great moments like baby showers and tasty meals from friends, but when that is over being a new mommy can be quite lonely. I am the kind of person that has become a homebody by force. It used to be difficult to get me to stay at home and I enjoyed going to school, even when I was sick, just to see my friends (do not recommend going to school sick now). Unfortunately, the weeks leading to the birth and the first few months after getting back to 'real' life are daunting.
With my first child I could not wait to show off my beautiful baby, so I will admit, I was walking around the block with him the day after I got home from the hospital. Maybe the post preggo days have only become harder with baby number 3 and on. Now I cannot keep up with my family some days. Weeks blend together and I still have not made time to make important phone calls. I am home all day, but I am busy.
My house is a mess and some weeks I think it does not really matter since I will not be having anyone over anytime soon. This does not work for long. Even if I have not had friends over in weeks, I start to get depressed swallowed up in a mess. When lots of laundry is scattered around the house and dishes from breakfast are not cleaned by dinner, it is time to get to work. Clearing my house also clears my mind. Then I start to think about inviting people over and remember that I miss having and seeing my friends.
Play dates for my kids were how I made it through the week when I only had two little ones. I had enough down time to have people over and take naps in the afternoons. Now I feel like I long to have people over, but it is hard to have a decent conversation with five kids to care for. Even a simple phone call consists of many, "can you wait a second," or "sorry I have to go, somebody just crashed into the wall," moments. I have to admit I miss being a person. I miss being me.
These days I am Joel, Ellianna, Dominic, Charis, and Bria's Mom. When I am not her I am Tim's wife, but he has his fair share of being know as Dad and my husband. I caught myself ballet dancing in my living room the other day and missing it. I used to dance everyday, even if I did not have a class. A couple days ago I went running for the first time in months. It was so freeing, but a little strange. When I start to think about who I am, it is impossible to imagine a world where I am not a mom or a wife. I love these roles. They are so important.
So as I start to feel lonely, I realize having a family makes it impossible to actually be alone. Maybe it is time for me to start hosting again. I have found time to enjoying baking and I love sitting with a friend while enjoying a cup of tea. Who would not want to taste the cake I made yesterday?
Lemon Pound Cake
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